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Original poster

Partner isn’t very empathic or emotional

7 replies

RichTea90 · 13/09/2024 09:23

I’m struggling a bit - I’ve known my partner for a long time and we recently got back together last year after some years apart.

We live together, but he’s not the most warmest / empathic of people and I’m really struggling with this. He was out of the country Tues & Weds for work and then yesterday and today he’s been out 7am until 8pm working in London. Meanwhile I’ve been home in my own (work from home) and I am not very well. I was sick last night and he was criticising me shouting at me to go to the bathroom when I could only make it to the kitchen sink. Feeling quite vulnerable and sensitive today. I tried talking to him about how I’m feeling as a result via text but he just responded that that’s the way he is - he’s very practical - and not an emotional person.
I’ve felt quite lonely this week being in on my own and trying to get on top of all the household stuff as well as working.

I find this hard to swallow because imo this is something to be worked upon, not just “like it or lump it” kinda thing.

Does anyone else feel similar in their relationship? Is this just men in general? Do I need to accept, or adapt? Or do I question whether this is actually for me? How he was with me last night felt quite cruel to me.

OP posts:
AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/09/2024 09:32

No this is not just men in general, its this one.

You do not either need to accept nor adapt. You should indeed question whether this is actually for you and I would say no it is not. Ex's are ex's often for good reason.

You deserve better frankly but do you truly believe that for your own self?. What are your boundaries like; poor life and relationship experiences can really mess these up. He will further mess those up too.

He is being cruel so therefore the relationship is over. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none and he had no right to shout at you the way he did. He's yet another emotionally stunted avoidant man using practicality as a cover/excuse for his poor behaviour. He would not treat people in the outside world nor his work colleagues like this.

He has not changed fundamentally, if at all, since the last time you were together. You will be in for more of the same from him if you are fool enough frankly to remain with him. Going back to an ex is always a retrograde step.

EveryKneeShallBow · 13/09/2024 09:37

I’m with him I’m afraid, vomiting in the kitchen sink is grim. I expect better from my grandchildren. And you’re an adult and he had to work. You don’t need a nurse. How do you think single people manage?

GoldenNuggets08 · 13/09/2024 09:49

I think there is probably more to this and you have just chosen the most recent example, but on the information you've given... I'm not sure why you needed to mention the big back story of him being away for a few days? He was working! It wasn't like he was off on a lads holiday having a great time. If him working away sometimes or working long hours is going to make you feel this miserable, let him go and find someone to suit your lifestyle better!
Getting sick in the sink is a bit grim but he didn't need to shout at you for it. But it's not something I could get this upset over if I'm honest.

Original poster
RichTea90 · 13/09/2024 10:22

AttilaTheMeerkat · 13/09/2024 09:32

No this is not just men in general, its this one.

You do not either need to accept nor adapt. You should indeed question whether this is actually for you and I would say no it is not. Ex's are ex's often for good reason.

You deserve better frankly but do you truly believe that for your own self?. What are your boundaries like; poor life and relationship experiences can really mess these up. He will further mess those up too.

He is being cruel so therefore the relationship is over. The only acceptable level of abuse in a relationship is none and he had no right to shout at you the way he did. He's yet another emotionally stunted avoidant man using practicality as a cover/excuse for his poor behaviour. He would not treat people in the outside world nor his work colleagues like this.

He has not changed fundamentally, if at all, since the last time you were together. You will be in for more of the same from him if you are fool enough frankly to remain with him. Going back to an ex is always a retrograde step.

Yes, you’re right to be honest. I think boundaries need some work.

no you’re right, he wouldn’t treat others like this. I wouldn’t treat my friend like this.

He has changed a bit, he’s got a bit better but some of the problems are still there. I’m now thinking I’ve made a bad decision.

OP posts:
Original poster
RichTea90 · 13/09/2024 10:27

EveryKneeShallBow · 13/09/2024 09:37

I’m with him I’m afraid, vomiting in the kitchen sink is grim. I expect better from my grandchildren. And you’re an adult and he had to work. You don’t need a nurse. How do you think single people manage?

I mean obviously if I was able to make it to the bathroom, I would have. 🙄 But I wasn’t.

OP posts:
Opentooffers · 13/09/2024 10:30

If you've no DC's get out - heck, even if you have them. Is there any point in trying to have a relationship long distance with someone unemotional? You might find he is ND, in which case it won't make a blind bit of difference what you do, he's always going to be the same.
To be happy with that level of absence you have to be very independent and someone who either doesn't want or need their support ever, because of having a good network of family and friends around you. If this is not how your life is, you will just end up in misery.

Original poster
RichTea90 · 13/09/2024 10:41

Opentooffers · 13/09/2024 10:30

If you've no DC's get out - heck, even if you have them. Is there any point in trying to have a relationship long distance with someone unemotional? You might find he is ND, in which case it won't make a blind bit of difference what you do, he's always going to be the same.
To be happy with that level of absence you have to be very independent and someone who either doesn't want or need their support ever, because of having a good network of family and friends around you. If this is not how your life is, you will just end up in misery.

Well, it’s not technically a long distance relationship, but after this week, it’s feeling as though there’s not much of a relationship at all. It’s def distant. That’s my issue. And then the lack of empathy and sensitivity is feeling cold & cruel.

Im actually not a very independent person and I don’t have a good support network of friends and family which probably explains why I am the way that I am. I’m really questioning this relationship now and whether it’s truly making me happy. I feel sad about it, but thank you and everyone else for your responses. It’s helpful to get your perspectives. I’m not really able to talk to my friends about it, and my mum is the only person I have, and she’s not a great person to talk to about this stuff.

OP posts:
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