Need serious advice

[Justme2088]

Hi guys, after much soul searching and thinking I think I know I need to leave my 36 year old boyfriend of 3 years, I moved in with him 2 years ago, left my city and moved jobs. a year ago I found out he had been watching porn while I’m at work and dressing up in latex, (I knew about the fetish when we got together, I didn’t mind it but he then chose to do stuff behind my back with it and start hiding it) now this shouldn’t bother me but he doesn’t touch me, we go 4-5 weeks without any intamcy, he doesn’t instigate anything, then he waits until I’m at work to pleasure himself, it’s been happening now the past year and it’s getting worse, he hides the latex clothes and thinks I can’t tell when his been in them and done what his done. I had him again about it 2 weeks ago as I tried for sex on the Sunday night and he wasn’t interested, I come home from work Monday and his done it himself again, I messaged him on the Monday evening said I’m leaving because of the lies and no affection/intamcy as I know his choosing to pleasure himself and it’s made me hate the latex, he said he would get rid of it all as the relationship with me means more to him. I have checked the bin outside and he has gotten rid of his old stuff kept under the bed he doesn’t use, the new stuff that was hidden in his wardrobe is nowhere to be seen so his clearly hidden it somewhere else, this again is another lie as his just hidden it somewhere else and chucked the old stuff to make me think his done it. I do all the cooking and cleaning and I feel now that I’m only here to help pay bills and clean up after him. I’ve never felt so worthless, unattractive, used! I’m 36 and I just can’t keep going through all this stress, it’s affecting me at work now especially when I know his at home. I shouldn’t be snooping but it’s the only way I find out the truth. When I do question him about stuff he either tried to make it a joke or he goes super defensive and starts talking to me like crap and shouting. In my heart I know I need to leave, my head is already made up, he now repulses me and makes me feel sick. Am I over reacting? Just to add he has lied about other stuff a girl he used to sleep with who he still messages as there “friends” I’ve seen messages and it is friendly talk but she was messaging him reminiscing about old times a year into the relationship. Please please need advice

Honestly everything you have said is like my story and my life, he would only have sex with me if he was dressed up and when he didn’t wear it, it takes ages to finish yet in that not long at all. Because I asked to have sex without him wearing it he then started doubt in secret and it’s just got worse and worse, I think he only sleeps with me once in a blue moon to shut me up, but now I have no sexual desire for him. As I said he has really knocked my confidence, my self worth, I doubt everything, and question my goodness

It really does speak to him and doesn’t say anything about you, but I absolutely understand the damage it does to your confidence. I left after I found myself crying in the bathroom in a latex catsuit after having sex with him and just feeling so incredibly used, that was my turning point. He had no real interest in my pleasure and it’s like the more you indulge these men, the more selfish they become.
I’ve actually found I had a lot in common with the trans widows experience, men turning their sexuality in on themselves and becoming fixated on clothing or objects, you may find some of those threads helpful. Do keep reminding yourself though, this is a flaw in his sexuality and no reflection on you. It’s his issue, not yours.

I found my confidence bounced back fairly quickly once I left my ex, I hope the same happens for you. Stay strong, be kind to yourself, break ups are never easy, but you will get through this. X