Communicating

[Jenny2020]

Hi all ,

I struggle massively with getting my point across ... I've tried therapy etc that worked for a while and then I revert back to my old self . It's like a trauma response I can't talk about how I'm feeling without sounding defensive or nasty .

now I'm in a loving caring relationship and we are going through a little blip ... we've been together a long time but recently suffered some massive blows fo
mental health etc ,
anyway we agreed to have a chat but I'm worried that I will sound the same and it's not what I want .

is it silly to write your spouse a letter and allow them to read it before talking ?

silly I know but I don't want to start on a negative attitude

Maybe just write it all down for your own benefit so that you are clear in your own mind what your perspective is and what you feel uncomfortable with.

You can always say I just need a quick time out from this chat right now if it's getting too much. Then come back. It's helpful for people who get overwhelmed.

Let him start off with everything he has to say and just sit and listen.

If you're the one struggling primarily with certain behaviour then it keeps everyone less defensive by using ' I feel' statements instead of ' you do this' statements.

Thanks so much ,

I grew up in a chaotic house hold so I know where this comes from I just can't get out of the pattern

I know all about that OP. I still speak to my counsellor many many years on. I believe it's a life long journey. I don't believe in this 6 weeks and it's over.

There are some great articles online and blogs that can be really useful.

It might be a really good exercise for you to understand what your values are and then from that what your boundaries in a relationship are. I think that's the key to managing all relationships. You could look it up online.

Yes ! This was all I was offered even working in the nhs itself , I may look into private but it's always something money wise but I dispose your health is priority .
thank you so much I do appreciate it .

ive tried so hard to change my " attitude " but it never comes across properly

It’s a suggested and known strategy. It allows you to really make sure you write your main points down and it allows a partner to read and digest and have their initial reactions before discussing with you.