Non-monoganous ex can't seem to let go of our relationship

[sametimeandeplace]

My partner shared with me that he thinks he is no longer monogamous. We have had long and hard discussions about this, but fundamentally I am monogamous and I don't want to be anything else. In fact exclusivity is quite a turn on for me. We have split up, but we share children. He is not currently in a sexual relationship with anyone else. Instead, he is finding it very hard to let go of our relationship.

I would like to hear from anyone who has experienced anything similar. I'm finding it quite hard to understand. For me it's quite cut and dry - he's non-monogamous or curious about it, I am not. I am not going to be in a relationship while he explores it, that's for him to do on his own time. I wonder whether this is something non-monogamous people go through as they leave monogamous relationships, or develop their non-monogamous side, or maybe it's just a man who can't accept he can't has his cake and eat it! I don't know! Would love to hear opinions if you have any experience of this.

I imagine he's disappointed that he can't find anyone to roger and is hoping to slither back in to your bed. He can't even get one person to be 'non monogamous' to 😂
Just laugh and only communicate about the kids.

Hahaha well the very definition of non-monogamy is having more than one partner, or having one partner but having sex with other people as well.

So you scuppered that for him by splitting up with him.

I suspect he thought there'd be a queue of women willing to shag him and you'd simmer nicely away on the back burner whilst he explores non monogamy, and it hasn't worked out.

Good for you for refusing to be a prop while he desperately tries to shag around.

You're safe and comfortable to use until he gets himself a hottie. Which will never happen.

Men think women have the horn like they do! News flash women generally don't feel like that. He will find that out soon enough.

Sorry you're having to put up with his crap. Men and their dicks. They are so pathetic. Controlled by a sausage.

They don't even see how controlled by their member they are. They think they are in control.

There are certain kink/dating sites where loads of single blokes are looking for non monogamous partners. Always makes me laugh that they cannot find one partner in the first place. They even have meet ups for polyamory attendees - 90-100% of the men who attend are single.

Pathetic 😴

Agree with @ActualChips Just laugh and only communicate about the kids.

Oh bless him, looks like he’s had a wake up call now that he’s putting himself out there. I’d find it very hard to empathise with a man that broke up our relationship because he wanted to get his end away with lots of other women, and made a clear choice. Seriously his tears are not as serious as a monogamous man’s tears, so I wouldn’t give them a second thought. He’s not a very deep person, and you deserve much better treatment. I suppose he hoped you wouldn’t be able to bear to let him go, and so you would sit back while he shagged around, he might have even hoped for emotional reactions from you which would have made him feel even sexier and more in control.

Now he’s sitting on the sofa eating a microwave meal for one, getting negatively side swiped on fabswingers

boohoo

You all made me laugh!

I'll stop thinking about it now, Ill never know or understand.

lol funniest thing I read in a while. Imagine the disappointment, he is rubbing his hands together with glee at all the women falling at his feet whilst you pine for him. Only, wait, you’re not pining and the women are not falling 😂😂

What @ActualChips said.
Whonis ironing his shirtscand cooking his dinner ATM?

Probably his mum

@Starspangledbanner7

Now he’s sitting on the sofa eating a microwave meal for one, getting negatively side swiped on fabswingers

boohoo

You really made me laugh with this one!

Glad to be of service, which is something no woman is going to be saying to OP’s ex

Hoisted by his own petard, I see. I admire your firmness in not letting him back in when it probably would be so easy and comfortable.

A similar thing happened to a friend in our twenties. Her long term BF announced one day that he wanted to have an open relationship and she (hated conflict) agreed. She had a busy social life and wide circle of friends/acquaintances and after some initial trepidation found it no bother doing her part. He, on the other hand, who never left the house and was only interested in gaming and running, simply stuck a profile on tinder and expected the ladies to flock to him for no-strings shags. After a few months still at nil points for him, he asked that she pause her activities so he could “catch up”. Sadly for him, she’d already become more firmly entangled with another fella, and a few months after that…well, let’s just say it all got very messy. She ended up properly getting together with the other guy and they’re now happily (and monogamously!) married.

People who can't commit struggle to commit to endings as well

Does it count as him being non monogamous if he alternates between his right and left hand for his wanks?

🤣🤣🤣

He’ll have to think of suitable names for them and then sit on his hand first, so it all feels more authentic

Lol, so sad.
Yes, I'm sure he was quite disappointed when he realised that there were no women standing in line for him. And now he has neither the loving wife, nor the hot girlfriends he dreamed of.

Poor bloke has massively overestimated his market value. Turns out monogamy wasn't a choice he made but a choice made for him since you're the only woman willing to have sex with him.

It just shows how little men appreciate the woman they have if he genuinely thinks he can pull easier than her. There are very few relationships where the man is more fuckable than the woman (mine is one tbh, this dude could pull within the hour, gorgeous and charismatic, whereas I walk around with the air of "don't fucking talk to me."🤣)

Look, he's attractive enough to look at, he is a business smart, has some money, so I'm sure someone will want him - I did (though not for those reasons as I have my own). He is also from a very patriarchal community so I while i think non-monogamy will be hard for him to find, I do think cheating is common enough, and lots of women seem to put up with it, so he will likely get find someone and then cheat.

I just wish he'd get on with it as that's not me!

Also, the comment about not being committed to the relationship and also not committed to ending it rings very true.

Sorry we were just trying to make you feel better, but a polygamous man is no loss. Good looking, makes a decent amount, probably has some nice personality traits etc- he’s still showing a hugely superficial lack of depth relating to what sex is and who it is for. There are women with this attitude to sex also, and those types of people belong together. You belong with someone who has the positive attributes of your ex, but to whom sex is a truly special and sacred thing, someone with depth. You dodged a bullet as many man with his mindest deceptively try to have it all. They have the family unit and then behind their wives back they shag around. At least for the future you can ask those questions of a potential partner, what sex means to them, and not become entangled with someone who thinks of it is a loose way.

@Starspangledbanner7

Absolutely, and it is my turn to apologise because I was not offended in the slightest, so no need for your apology at all.

I agree with everything you have said entirely. These posts really did make me feel better.

I feel good deep down, removing a negative from your life is always a positive.

Exactly, it's gross

Well done OP for being strong!

He wanted his cake and to eat it

uep, get where you're coming from—it is cut and dry. You're monogamous, he's not. End of story, really.
Sounds like he's trying to keep a foot in both camps—wants the freedom to explore but still clinging to the emotional comfort of your relationship. That’s not uncommon, but it’s also not fair on you. Just because he’s not ready to fully let go doesn’t mean you need to keep the door half open.
You’ve been clear. He can’t have it both ways, and it’s not your job to babysit his feelings while he figures himself out. Let him do the work solo—you’ve got enough on your plate.