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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

AIBU about a tattoo?

20 replies

emo4eva · 12/09/2024 18:53

Hi all,
My wife wants to get a tattoo covering most of her arm. She recently managed to get tickets to the Oasis reunion next year and is going with her best friend.

This morning over coffee she told me she and her friend are going to get matching tattoos to commemorate the even because it will be a good memory together. I don't know who suggested it in the first place.

She has other tattoos of our children's names on her other arm. I'm really not a fan of tattoos at all but I understand the names.

She asked my opinion and I said I don't like the idea at all and that I think she is doing something she will regret in years to come. She has lovely skin and to cover it up over 1 evening at a concert seems a waste.

She said oh well it is my body. I couldn't agree more and never would I try to impose my will on her in such a way. But I said even though I respect it is your choice I don't agree with your decision for reasons I've mentioned above.

Me and my wife have had many significant moments over the years going places together but never once has she considered doing something like this over any big event we shared together.

Add to this she has issues with depression at the moment which she is now getting help with. But knowing my wife way I do after 20+ years this is a short term decision that she will end up regretting one day.

I respect her decision. I don't agree with it. I'm not going to pester her or get on at her for it but I'm worried about her going through with it for something so temporary.

Am I being unreasonable to not want her to do it? If the roles were reversed I know I wouldn't go through with it because I would trust her opinion. After all these years we know each other better than we know anyone else.

OP posts:
Clementine22 · 12/09/2024 18:56

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable because it’s your preference and you don’t seem to have communicated it poorly.

However ultimately it is her decision whether or not she gets one. We all have certain preferences etc but you have to accept your partner may not have the same ones and as you say respect their decision.

pinkyredrose · 12/09/2024 18:58

I'm all for getting tattoo's if one wants them but a huge piece celebrating Oasis wouldn't thrill me. Keep telling her how dated it'll look

CatCatBoing · 12/09/2024 19:01

Her body her choice. I have lots of tattoos.

(Inwardly cringing at it being oasis themed, but it's up to her ultimately)

Dribbleflaps · 12/09/2024 19:02

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PrettyAsAVine · 12/09/2024 19:02

Add to this she has issues with depression at the moment which she is now getting help with. But knowing my wife way I do after 20+ years this is a short term decision that she will end up regretting one day.

You could give her other examples where she has done this as it sounds like it's been a common theme over the years. Maybe suggest she thinks about if for a longer period of time and see how she feels then.

I'd hate it if my partner got tattoos, I find them really unattractive do it would be a problem for me.

K0OLA1D · 12/09/2024 19:02

Its entirely up to her.

I had a couple of tiny not noticeable tattoos when me and dp got together. I now have almost 2 full sleeves.

SauviGone · 12/09/2024 19:04

YANBU and I think you've handled it well.

If she's the type to dig her heels in then I wouldn't mention it again and hope that she and the friend don't manage to find the time/money/tattoo artist with availability to do it.

emo4eva · 12/09/2024 19:05

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Logo and the date of the gig (date after it happens)

OP posts:
Saturdayblurs · 12/09/2024 19:05

I have a neighbour with a large and prominent Will Smith ala Fresh Prince of Bel Air tattoo. I wonder if he regrets it 🤔 It’s pretty well done tbf. Does she want their faces?

Timeforaglassofwine · 12/09/2024 19:07

She asked your opinion, were you supposed to lie?
Oasis tattoos now will age as badly as the "Tommy and Grace" Peaky Blinders tats. Cool at the time, but crap 6 months after the show ends.

BananaGrapeMelon · 12/09/2024 19:09

YANBU- you've been honest with her but made it clear it's her decision. I'd feel the same as you OP.

Chrispackhamspoodle · 12/09/2024 19:24

Not sure.I have a couple of tattoos and hadn't considered running it past my husband beforehand but a band tattoo is a really bad decision.Maybe not if it was small and on her butt but a large one on her arm will be pretty bad.And I have a large arm tattoo.

ScottBakula · 12/09/2024 20:06

I have tattoos but I wouldn't go for this even with a band I love ( I will stick with t-shirts , framed tickets ect )

Has she ever done other major things then regretted it? Can you very gently remind her of them ?

But ultimately its upto her .

gamerchick · 12/09/2024 20:11

I love a tattoo but I wouldn't get a band tattoo on the arm. Bum cheek maybe or back of shoulder. Maybe try and convince her to shift the placement

Other than that, you can't really stop her getting one.

pictoosh · 12/09/2024 20:15

I don't have an issue with tattoos but I think it's really foolish to pay permanent homage to celebrities by way of one. I'd never get a band tattoo.
You never know what may come out about them. We don't know these people.
Silly thing to do imho.

Boidont · 12/09/2024 20:15

Mate, how’s a logo and date going to cover up most of an arm?
You’re allowed to not like it but you’re purposefully over exaggerating.
I’m a tattooist and my mind boggles trying to figure out how that could possibly cover most of an arm. It’s not possible.

OhDearMuriel · 12/09/2024 20:26

I think you're right in that she would regret it further down the line and that it could easily lead to her suffering from depression.

FluentSloth · 12/09/2024 20:28

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Humdrumdumb · 12/09/2024 20:34

Given the Gallagher’s propensity to fall out, I’d be waiting for the gig to go ahead before getting any tattoo. She can leave space on her arm for it, but not put ink to flesh till it’s happened. Would she be so keen to have an Oasis tattoo if she hadn’t gone to the gig?

teenmaw · 12/09/2024 20:58

My ex husband portrayed disgust about a tat I got for a close family member who died when they were under 10, this was for what would have been their 21st birthday. It was small and absolutely represented the person. He repulsed me with his reaction, and made reference to him having to look at it while we had sex. It was absolutely nothing to do with him, he had no right to try to make me feel any way about it. Fair enough for him to say it's not his favorite but his emotive response to something on my body just showed how he thought he had some say or power over it. Which he fucking does not. Hence the EX. Vulgar.

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