Domestic incident with Police Called

[LemonadeLifestyleDreams]

To a cut a really long story short. There was an incident the other week with my partner and I had to call for the police to remove him.

He’d admitted to taking substances, which based on that night I would say it was a one off. I get this could all so easily happen again.

At the minute he’s not here so it’s me and my DD, it makes me so sad this has happened because of all the things he does for us and he is truly amazing and I just feel like my whole world has been turned upside down from this night. There has never been any violence and wasn’t on that night nor has there ever been any emotional or psychological abuse or I would in no doubt leave. I just feel lost because I want my life back before that night and I honestly don’t know what to do. Social services are involved off the back of this which really isn’t ideal but I completely understand why.

They’d asked if I ever did a Clare’s Law on my partner but I haven’t because I’ve never had to and she’s saying there is red flags. Basically the SW has suggested a refuge which I really don’t think is appropriate for us but I can see why she’s suggested it as then the risk is completely gone from their perspective. She’d also said she’s not saying it is going to come to this but we could be subject to a child protection plan and I’m petrified of losing my daughter but I don’t want to disrupt her home life and school and so on.

Well, you can make a decision for your daughter to have to live with a man who takes drugs and then beats you.

Or you can make a decision not to do that. I'd never feel safe in that house again, and she shouldn't have to grow up in that environment.

It's not about your relationship, it's about her having a secure home. Put her first.

I’ve never been beaten, I’d said on the original post about all that.

To be honest I don’t know what I was hoping to gain from this post and the majority of your posts have been really supportive so thank you

The SW is offering you help out of scarce resources. I think you should accept the help and leave him otherwise you could be placing your daughter in danger and risk losing her.

The phrasing of "has it not occurred to you..." seemed harsh. Obviously it hadn't occurred to her that this was the situation or she wouldn't be so shocked and reeling right now.

Gosh it's shit to find out all the love and amazing stuff was a front for abuse. It doesn't seem useful to think about this bit right now though because she needs to put on her game face and get moving.

"Social services are involved off the back of this which really isn’t ideal but I completely understand why.

They’d asked if I ever did a Clare’s Law on my partner but I haven’t because I’ve never had to and she’s saying there is red flags. Basically the SW has suggested a refuge which I really don’t think is appropriate for us but I can see why she’s suggested it as then the risk is completely gone from their perspective."

Think why the SW is telling you about red flags and Claire's Law? I read it that she is trying to hint to you that he has previous convictions.

In the nicest way, if the property is his rental property with the tenancy in his name, then you won't be able to just stay on there without him.
For that alone you need to take steps to move out, I would take the SW advice on getting help with a refuge.
If you don't co operate with SS and show you are protecting your child then they will take safeguarding steps.
I understand you're in a horrible and difficult situation but you need to safeguard your child.

Going into a refuge will help you get social housing in future I would think, and this will be goood for you and your daughter if you don’t already have secure accommodation on your own merit.

clearly you were frightened enough to call the police- even if you now think you over reacted.
and you should never feel like that with you own partner and in your own home.
your daughter should never feel that

agree to go into a refuge.
take time to decide what your priorities are and to recover from this difficult situation.

clearly remaining in the flat you live in is not possible- you are not the leaseholder and you won’t be in a relationship with the man that is.

Absolutely this - the number of women who minimize or deny red flags is staggering. And you have been told there are red flags here - they clearly know something you do not. Getting more information is a smart move here. I hope it works out ok, but you do need to prepare for the worst.

Please listen to the professionals around you.

for the sake of your daughter, leave this man.

but I can see why she’s suggested it as then the risk is completely gone from their perspective."

Do you not want it to be also completely gone from yours?

I'm guessing the refuge is the only means for you to move out?

Then go and rent a place of your own 😳
You really want to stay with this man because he has his own rental??

I don’t think you are safe in your current home, OP, it’s his.

I am really scared for your little girl.

Move out quickly.

I want my life back before that night well that isn’t going to happen, is it?

He behaved appallingly to you and you know there are red flags in his past. No one can magic that away. Get out and protect your child.

What more does it take?

You say that there was no violence, no emotional or physical abuse, but there must have been something to happen that night or you wouldn't have needed to call the police to remove him, social services wouldn't be involved, and you wouldn't be in this situation. I think you need to be facing up to the facts of what he did without minimising (forget about why he did it, that doesn't matter).

I know you want to turn the clock back and think how could one incident (of what? You haven't said) change everything. Well unfortunately, it can and it has, he's ruined it and there is no old life to go back to any longer. In fact I bet that over time you'll start realising that the old life was covered with red flags anyway and you don't want to go back to it.

If you don't cut ties with him you could end up losing your daughter. They will prioritise her safety.

I’m really confused. No violence, no emotional abuse, but police and SW involvement and advice for Clare’s Law and a refuge.

Something isn’t adding up but I think you really need to listen to the social worker.

Please take care OP.

Maybe he was doing drugs in the house and op called the police to scare partner ? Although I can't see the police coming out for that to be honest. So what was it op? Because as everyone else has said police don't get called for no reason

Social services don't say things like this for laughs. They are concerned about you and that tells me they've got reason to be. Just because you haven't seen that reason yet with your own eyes doesn't mean it doesn't exist. It may be that the first time you see it is the time that either you or your daughter or both of you come to serious harm. Don't roll those dice.

To put it simply: if you don't want to lose your daughter you need to show you are listening to what they are saying. If they feel that you are not listening and not taking steps they view as necessary to safeguard her then she will be taken from your care. Bin him and don't give him a second thought.

I find it hard to believe that the CS would react the way they have from one isolated incident which did not involve actual DV. I’d not be surprised if something comes about from the Claire’s Law, and most likely CS already have some information which is why they have acted in the way they have.

If it is his house it sounds like they are just offering a step into local housing

Did he have a deterioration in mental health when he came home ? It's hard to advise on the cpp without knowing what the police actually attended for and more background info