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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Navigating a Friendship of 20+ years

1 reply

MissDutch · 12/09/2024 13:49

I’ve been friends with someone since I was 8 years old, we’ve pretty much grown up together and over the years have had our fair amount of bickers and arguments.

I’ve noticed this person to have grown quite toxic in more recent years, for example whenever I’ve introduced her to other friends she comes across as extremely rude, making sarcy comments and not wanting to mingle. Very reluctant to congratulate me on any life events, promotions, jobs etc. any positive change in my life has always led her to ignore me or reply to my messages bluntly, until I ask what’s wrong and she’ll refuse to communicate with me, then after a while speak to me like nothing has happened. I’ve put this down to personality and have made my own friends through work & other friends. I’ve chosen not to introduce her to any other friends as I’ve had bad experiences doing so in the past.

We became parents within two weeks of each other and spent more time together and spoke more often. Since I’ve returned to work a month ago, which coincided with a trip with some other friends to Paris, she hasn’t spoken to me, has ignored my messages, calls. My daughter is getting baptised within the next week and she replied to the invite with ‘I may be able to make it’. I haven’t heard anything since and haven’t chased.

Is it time to move on from this person? How do I navigate this situation? If I communicate my feelings I know she will start arguing with me and I haven’t got the capacity to argue, at the same time I’m quite sad at the thought of losing a friend, especially one I’ve known for over 20 years.

OP posts:
TTCAYEL · 14/09/2024 19:07

MissDutch · 12/09/2024 13:49

I’ve been friends with someone since I was 8 years old, we’ve pretty much grown up together and over the years have had our fair amount of bickers and arguments.

I’ve noticed this person to have grown quite toxic in more recent years, for example whenever I’ve introduced her to other friends she comes across as extremely rude, making sarcy comments and not wanting to mingle. Very reluctant to congratulate me on any life events, promotions, jobs etc. any positive change in my life has always led her to ignore me or reply to my messages bluntly, until I ask what’s wrong and she’ll refuse to communicate with me, then after a while speak to me like nothing has happened. I’ve put this down to personality and have made my own friends through work & other friends. I’ve chosen not to introduce her to any other friends as I’ve had bad experiences doing so in the past.

We became parents within two weeks of each other and spent more time together and spoke more often. Since I’ve returned to work a month ago, which coincided with a trip with some other friends to Paris, she hasn’t spoken to me, has ignored my messages, calls. My daughter is getting baptised within the next week and she replied to the invite with ‘I may be able to make it’. I haven’t heard anything since and haven’t chased.

Is it time to move on from this person? How do I navigate this situation? If I communicate my feelings I know she will start arguing with me and I haven’t got the capacity to argue, at the same time I’m quite sad at the thought of losing a friend, especially one I’ve known for over 20 years.

Just distance yourself. Tell yourself you're going to match her energy. Agree that raising it will cause an argument. She seems jealous of you and your life and probably your ability to make friends and progress. It's a shame but it's her issue, not yours. 20 years is amazing and if it lasts, it needs to be because she wants it to and puts in more effort, not because you're putting up with her BS X

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