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Original poster

Is this normal?

27 replies

Shad0wcat · 12/09/2024 10:13

I've recently decided to dip my toe into OLD and joined a dating site. Not feeling particularly inspired by the standard of men in the mid 40s - mid 50s range near me but picked one guy that looked friendly.
We've been chatting for a couple of weeks now, just a message or two a day and yesterday he sent me this message.
Admittedly I've not dated for many years and things may have changed a lot, but is talking about bladder problems before even asking me on a single date normal now? Is this what I have to look forward to?

Is this normal?
OP posts:
confusedabouthormones · 12/09/2024 10:15

It's just his sense of humour. If that's not yours then move on. 😊

CleanShirt · 12/09/2024 10:15

Just a joke, nothing untoward

Mrsttcno1 · 12/09/2024 10:15

I think it’s probably just part of his usual banter/chat

Lavenderblossoms · 12/09/2024 10:16

That wouldn't bother me at all. He hasn't gone into great detail. I feel like he is clearly just laughing at himself and the convo. If it's not your thing then move on. Maybe he just feels really comfortable talking to you?

PennyNotWise · 12/09/2024 10:20

He’s just honest, I’d find it almost refreshing after some of the things blokes say 😂

TwistedWonder · 12/09/2024 10:22

Tbh the fact you got more than hi is a bonus 😂

poppyzbrite4 · 12/09/2024 10:22

I really advise you don't talk to people for weeks. There are a lot of time wasters on OLD and you could get artificially attached. Meet up for a coffee as soon as possible.

I don't see anything alarming in the message. He hasn't gone into excruciating detail about his bladder, he just mentions his need to go to the loo.

Arctangent · 12/09/2024 10:24

What's wrong with saying he gets up in the night to wee? It's pretty common.

MonsteraMama · 12/09/2024 10:25

I mean of all the ways he could be talking to you about his Gentleman's Vegetables, this is preferable to some of the brain rot I've seen!

Arctangent · 12/09/2024 10:35

MonsteraMama · 12/09/2024 10:25

I mean of all the ways he could be talking to you about his Gentleman's Vegetables, this is preferable to some of the brain rot I've seen!

Gentleman's Vegetables! 😂

I may have to start using that one.

Original poster
Shad0wcat · 12/09/2024 10:37

Interesting answers. I guess things really have changed a lot since I was last dating! I was just genuinely curious to see if this was normal and acceptable now.

OP posts:
Candyiris · 12/09/2024 10:40

He's in the 40s to mid 50s range and he's talking about getting up to pee6in the night and afternoon naps! Sounds like an elderly gentleman. I'm with you OP - this would put me off, not because it's a bit yuk, but he sounds so old for his age.

Edenmum2 · 12/09/2024 10:40

It's only acceptable if it's acceptable to you. If it puts you off then that's your prerogative so move on. FWIW it sounds pretty normal but the conversation isn't exactly sparkling.

Original poster
Shad0wcat · 12/09/2024 10:41

Arctangent · 12/09/2024 10:24

What's wrong with saying he gets up in the night to wee? It's pretty common.

It's not very alluring though, is it? I've not even had a coffee with him and he's already onto his faulty plumbing.

OP posts:
poppyzbrite4 · 12/09/2024 10:43

Shad0wcat · 12/09/2024 10:37

Interesting answers. I guess things really have changed a lot since I was last dating! I was just genuinely curious to see if this was normal and acceptable now.

There's no normal in relationships. It's whatever is acceptable to you - it's your relationship. I would be put off by all the emojis, but that's me.

Original poster
Shad0wcat · 12/09/2024 10:44

poppyzbrite4 · 12/09/2024 10:43

There's no normal in relationships. It's whatever is acceptable to you - it's your relationship. I would be put off by all the emojis, but that's me.

Show quote history

Yes, this too.

OP posts:
TwistedWonder · 12/09/2024 10:47

MonsteraMama · 12/09/2024 10:25

I mean of all the ways he could be talking to you about his Gentleman's Vegetables, this is preferable to some of the brain rot I've seen!

😂😂😂😂

OP think yourself lucky he didn’t send you a photo of it

MzHz · 12/09/2024 10:49

poppyzbrite4 · 12/09/2024 10:22

I really advise you don't talk to people for weeks. There are a lot of time wasters on OLD and you could get artificially attached. Meet up for a coffee as soon as possible.

I don't see anything alarming in the message. He hasn't gone into excruciating detail about his bladder, he just mentions his need to go to the loo.

This 100% - a week of chatting MAX then meet, if not, or no good reason not to meet up, move on

BMW6 · 12/09/2024 10:54

Seems like perfectly normal friendly chat to me!

It's not like he's giving vivid descriptions of his toilet habits is it!

Scrollbreadroll · 12/09/2024 11:03

@Shad0wcat I think that’s sounds like general chat, but I know what you mean…like you say ….talk about bladder problems before you’ve even met isn’t exactly alluring but if he otherwise seems nice then I wouldn’t not meet him over that one thing. I also think if you knew him you wouldn’t think twice about it, but when we don’t know someone things can stand out more.

Original poster
Shad0wcat · 12/09/2024 11:08

MzHz · 12/09/2024 10:49

This 100% - a week of chatting MAX then meet, if not, or no good reason not to meet up, move on

Show quote history

I'm definitely going to stick to this rule in future. I'd been out of the country for 10 days so gave him a bit of leeway.

OP posts:
Original poster
Shad0wcat · 12/09/2024 11:46

@Scrollbreadroll True, I probably wouldn't care if said jokingly over a drink. But by text it seems clumsy oversharing/boundary testing to me. Plus nighttime bathroom visits and afternoon naps give a bit of a 'care home' vibe.
I think OLD is going to be a steep learning curve!

OP posts:
Shortandsweet24 · 12/09/2024 11:49

I laughed at that. But I suppose it’s not very attractive! I agree that naps and wees in the night aren’t very sexy so it depends if he really is joking or if he is old for his age!

Scrollbreadroll · 12/09/2024 12:07

@Shad0wcat yeah I agree, not sure how old he is but I would be getting more care home old vibes too from his chat…uncomfortable sleep/wees through the night/afternoon naps ha. But he also sounds nice and might be completely different in real life and possibly it’s just a mixture of truth with banter? And what can be off putting when you don’t know someone can also be endearing when you do know them!

TwistedWonder · 12/09/2024 12:21

I think maybe the fact you’ve been chatting for weeks has given him a sense of familiarity that he can share that sort of comment.

Must admit it would make me shudder a bit but that’s why meeting quickly is so much better