Have you ever been with someone who..

[Fuzziewuzzies]

Is controlling, doesn’t like you seeing friends alone, checks your phone, always wants to know what your doing / who your talking to, makes you feel guilty if you haven’t had sex for a while

Yes...and now they are an ex for a reason.

Yes, and many women have. It's a problem.

yep

No I haven’t but I’d like to think I’d value myself enough to get shut of someone like this.

I left my first husband for much less.

You can leave a relationship if it doesn’t add value to your life or you can chose to stay but that’s on you

I’ve dated people that have shown early warning signs of this behaviour and got rid because of these reasons…

My issue is they will make me feel soguilty , like I’ve blindsided them and that I’ve ruined there and there children’s life’s. Issues have been brought up in the past but they will still make out that they knew nothing of it and that I haven’t given them a chance to change

Yes I had a child with one. Then learnt about abusive relationships and that they don’t have to be violent to be abusive and got out. You can do it too.

Read this

https://dn790007.ca.archive.org/0/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf

This is abusive behaviour. Controlling and coercive abuse. Pretending he didn’t know if also abuse called gaslighting. It won’t get better. This kind of abuse only ever escalates. Read the book and start making plans to leave the relationship. Do not tell him because leaving is the most dangerous time for women. Contact women’s aid if you need support to make an exit plan.

Yes, an ex for a reason. I tried for way too long but haven’t looked back since I left. The guilt trip does quickly pass, then it switches up to “you do realise no one else will want you?” Then to “I’m sorry I’m just hurt, I miss you”. Fun times

dump, block and run

Nope, I have a good controlling bastard radar and I refused to let any boyfriends live with me, so much easier to get shot of if they turn out to be a twat.

You know that none of this js normal or healthy don't you? Please dump the arsehole and don't look back. It won't get better and he won't change.

No. Because I can identify these men a million miles off and the subtle hints that signal what's to come. Maybe because my mum was married to a controlling man? I don't know?

Anyway, get out.

How long have you been with this person. I don't understand how you have ruined their child's life, surely they are responsible for their child not you. It sounds very controlling and you need to leave.

freedomprogramme.co.uk

No. I wouldn't put up with that bullshit for any second. Not because I have high self esteem or anything, but I just logically don't understand that's how you treat a human being.

You learn to be objective. A good way to do it is ask yourself if a friend said to me that a partner made them feel they were being controlled etc. what would I say?

Its much like grooming and ends in abuse.

No is a complete sentence.

Also look at your past patterns of partners. Reading books also good.

nope but I am very much the bolshy type.

Yes, it has meant a few uncomfortable moments but I look in the mirror and know I am all right.

You know that used car salesmen can do that to you, too, don’t you?

What’s that mean?

My wife started reading my messages about a year ago as she decided she didn’t like a female friend of mine. I’m fairly sure she does it still now but as there’s nothing to hide I don’t bother checking anymore. She gets annoyed if I don’t message her during the day or don’t let her know I’m leaving work. Often asks “who’s that” if I get messages or I can see her peering over to see who it is.

Lots of salesmen will make you feel as if you have blindsided them, make you feel guilty etc etc.

Many things have defects but a salesman will have nooo knowledge of anything like that. All you need to do is believe anything and everything that comes out of their mouth, sign on the dotted line and hand over your cash. If your car breaks down, your boiler splits a pipe, well, buyer beware, you had your chance to look it over.

You seem to be finding blokes who have only one product to sell, themselves. So, they go through the salesman routine and you believe them. Then later you start to look objectively at the relationship and its benefits to you (are there any) and of course they will gaslight you.

They don’t need to like you, they don’t need to love you, they can’t be arsed to treat you well (sell you a quality product). They just need to be living comfortably.