New boyfriend hot and cold texting driving me crazy

[LuluKay]

Long story short, I have recently started dating a guy that was doing work on my house (I did know him a little before then too)! He made it clear he fancied me and had done for a while and I fancied him too. We have been on a fair few dates now and we get on so well and we have “done the deed”.

To start with the messages were all day everyday. And they were full of flattery. Now we still message everyday but he can leave hours between messages and sometimes reads them but doesn’t respond but will be online on social media. He is very busy with work and I do understand that. Then some days he’s back to all day messaging and replying straight away with lots of flattery. It’s very hot and cold. But when we see eachother things are pretty much perfect.

Am I reading into this too much? Is he just busier on some days than others? Am I over reacting and overthinking!?

No it's energy vampirism. Basically he's messaging you in the boring parts of his day. Then onto the next thing. I find people like this a little exhausting. You do you and keep your boundaries.

So he messages you when he has time to talk, and when he doesn't have time to focus on you, he waits until he has?

That's normal, isn't it?

You're overthinking.

Your other identical thread wasn't enough?

You're clearly an overthinker.

I think you’re reading too much into it. You say he’s busy at work. There’s days when I’m so busy I barely look at my phone for 6/7/8/9 hours let alone reply to messages. Then other days I reply within minutes as I have more free time

The fact he’s still in regular communication is a positive - don’t overthink

His behaviour sounds pretty normal. Do you actually want a partner who messages you flattery all day? Wouldn’t that get a bit tedious?

Think there's a double thread on this where I asked a question but I'll add why I asked to share my experience of a similar pattern. (Bearing in mind it may not be the case with yours). I was seeing someone who was the same where the flattery and love bombing of messages was on his terms. So I adapted to when he was 'free'. I would notice that some days even when he was incredibly busy at work he still had time to send endless messages and say 'you're much more important'. Then when he was quiet I'd text because I felt like messaging and he'd be cold and he'd say 'really busy at work'. Then after day when he'd start love bombing again I would be all happy and it's like the cold day never happened until it kept happening again. Same pattern. I found out a while later he had been love bombing about 2 other women at the same time. I learnt that men don't go hot and cold for no reason. Consistency is key.