Can I save a marriage where we are more like friends?

[CoffeeandTV88]

Me and my wife have been together for 16 years and have a young child.

Our love languages and needs are very different and we’ve spoken about this at length - she isn’t as affectionate as I would like but I meet in the middle. Tonight my son was on her phone and he showed me a picture of a man and it turns out my wife has been googling “celebrity name hot pictures” and has scrolled through lots of them.

I don’t want to ask her about this buts it’s made me feel like rubbish as she doesn’t really show much of an interest in me - am I being unreasonable?

Personally I don't think it's awful to have a celebrity crush even in a marriage - in fact earlier this evening I was joking with my husband about how I would like a threesome with him and a particular snooker player I fancy - he was mostly amused I think!

But I see that it might feel different if your wife isn't expressing interest in you currently - it proves she still has a sex drive, just not for you.....

Honestly, I think you need to spend some time thinking about what your needs are in the relationship - deal breakers that you need her to change. Maybe write them down so you are clear. So maybe to be happy you need hugs, some form of sexual fun and intimacy, to be told she loves you, a date night..... What are the deal breakers? Ask her to do the same (no doubt she has her issues with you too - these things are usually two way!) and share them - you both need to be open to working together tho, and willing to change. Or, you need to part amicably, accepting it has run it's course, and giving you both the chance to meet someone better suited.

I realise I have said it as if it's easy, and it isn't easy. Look after yourself and your mental health in the meantime - reach out to friends and family if you can - consider counselling too. Good luck!