The crush I can't let go of

[Bluecrushed]

Had a crush for 5 years which goes up and down in intensity. He works for the same company as I do but we only bump into each other occasionally or when he comes to my office. Over the last few months, he's been the one getting in touch or visiting me and I've tried to be polite but very casual recognising it's really time to let go. Last week he popped his head in, said something really formal and left. I fought the urge to message him. He popped by this morning looking so gorgeous but barely said anything to me though asked if I could send a quick update about some work he'd just done. Dropped him a message which then escalated into a chat. Why is it so hard to cut him off and keep him at arms length?

Why do you need to keep him at arms length?

@kshaw well I suppose further than arms length would be better! I just mean, I want to distance myself but remain friendly and professional.

But why? Is he married? Are you?

If you have a crush on him then what's wrong with pursuing a relationship?

We've been in short term relationships over the last few years. He never actually lets me know about a relationship until it's over. I just figure, I've made it pretty obvious and if he hasn't said, then surely he can't have feelings for me.

I think, if he was very keen on you, he’d have made a move by now.

Agreed. Hence why I'd like to control my little mind from fantasising over a hopeless cause.

Ah so do you mean he enjoys keeping you dangling?

If so, that’s not a good characteristic so maybe focus on that and what kind of person would enjoy doing that to you?

Exactly what I'd tell a friend who should know her worth. Do you know where my mind goes though? It goes, wow, he wants me around. And I foolishly cling to that.

How have you made it obvious?

You say he should have made a move by now but what moves have you made?

Maybe he likes you, maybe he doesn't. You have no clue. But equally, he has no clue either.

Asking a woman out in the workplace is an absolute minefield. If you weren't interested he'd be risking coming across as sleazy.

Keeping her dangling?! 😂

The guy's literally done nothing wrong, he's not responsible for the OP's little schoolgirl crush!

How can you be downing tools without even laying a brick? You're so afraid of rejection you'd rather scrap the whole idea than just go for it? I'm sure this guy would be equally flattered as excited to learn of your intense interest. For all you know he might find you completely ravishing but feels safer acting all indifferent to avoid possible rejection. It's easier to keep things professional at work. Back to you though..

You've bitten your lip for five years which suggests a superhuman level of resolve. Surely you can take a gamble just this once? Don't be such a pussy!

If you get a "no thanks" or he's seeing someone so what? At least it'll be out of your system and not scar you for life. Anyway I reckon he's just as interested as you are OP.

I met a guy circa 2003. We hit it off, i fell instantly, madly in love. It was fabulous, until it wasn't. He was the "one that got away".

I dream about him fairly often, even though I haven't seen him in person since 2005. He is my crush, I cannot let him go. I fantasize about him, frequently.

The funny thing is, he wasn't actually that nice to me, he didn't treat me that well, but I just cannot let it go (although i have. I'm married with kids. He's now married with kids).

Er, am I missing something?

You're both single?

Give him the green light?

Ask him out. Then you won't be a certain age thinking 'I wonder if .....!