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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Want to move but DH doesn't

5 replies

BloomingDahlia · 11/09/2024 14:09

Just wanted some advice on how to navigate how I am feeling....

I met my DH in the city he grew up in as I moved here for work a few years prior. I fell in love, married him and on the whole have been happy. However, I have recently been having a huge urge to move back to my home town a few hours away. With Covid and work changes I am now WFH 5 days a week, whilst DH goes out to work, and I just feel so isolated. I have no family here and I am feeling homesick and frustrated that I can't just see them whenever I would like to. I do have some friends where we live (we house shared when I first moved to this city and have kept in touch) but I see them more as acquaintances who I meet with once a month or so, rather than close friends. I do also have three friends who are still in my home town who I would be able to see regularly if we were to move there. However, my DH would have to give up his job that he loves and also leave all his family and friends behind so is reluctant to sell up and move to somewhere new. He thinks I should try join different clubs, go to co working spaces and he will make an effort to organise things for us to do as a couple to get me out of the house more often - to see if that helps with my feeling of isolation, but I just can't shake this feeling of wanting to go 'home'

OP posts:
PoliteExpert · 11/09/2024 14:15

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PoliteExpert · 11/09/2024 14:19

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ItsTheGAGGGGGGGG · 11/09/2024 14:21

I’m guessing you spoke about this prior to moving to his area. What was the plan? Were you going to stay for a set amount of time and see whether you wanted to move or not? Was the expectation that you’d be happy to move there forever? Surely a compromise can be reached?

Cardamomandlemons · 11/09/2024 15:32

His suggestions do sound sensible. Shared workspaces are great, hobbies are a good idea, and doing couple stuff outside the house also sounds nice.
It's been years since you left your hometown, you might find all these same issues if you moved back, the dynamic will have shifted while you've been away.
Can you try weekends away with your old friends?

BloomingDahlia · 11/09/2024 16:19

As I was already living in the city when we met and on the whole happy we have never really discussed moving anywhere else. It just all kind of happened that we have ended up settling here as we met here. I just have these overbearing feelings of having a more fulfilled life back in my home town and I can't shake that I will never feel at 'home' where I currently am

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