So my father cheated with a certain nationality women, he would go to this country and have affairs, he would watch films from that country and just generally had a soft spot for it. My older siblings were named in names very specific to that country, possibly his lovers names as the tradition in our culture is to name your oldest children after the grandparents or someone special and dear to the parents. My mum never liked their names, she'd have her own nicknames for them.
I found out about his cheating from my mother when she was deep cleaning their wardrobe, and I walked in to ask her something I think I was 14 and she found photos with kisses in lipstick and messages, basically photos of those women and love letters. She tore them up and binned them. My mother would bottle up her emotions but then it would leak in the form of resentment and contempt for my father, men, her fortune in marriage and us as children making her more stuck with him. She would often be making sweeping comments against men like all men are dogs, men are cheaters, they are no good make sure you have your own education, never rely on a man, love doesn't exist. When my oldest sister would confide into mum that her husband is cheating, mum would dismiss it as this is what all men are like. My sister would be beaten up and kicked out of her home with her children in the middle of the night but my mum would persuade her to go back to her marital home and just avoid her husband.
I used to roll my eyes and blame her for dad's cheating because he was nicer to us. I thought she didn't try harder to be nicer to him or understand him. In my grown up eyes now I can see that they both had an awfully dysfunctional relationship and were abusive to us in different ways as well as to each other.
It hasn't made me independent, I am in a very traditional family set up with a man I'm unhappy, he drinks a lot just like dad did although he is more engaged with our children than my own dad.I am largely staying for the children and family unit, but also because I don't believe there is better out there as mum's sayings 'all men cheat' and 'love doesn't exist' have evidently imprinted on me.
My 2 sisters have awful husbands. I don't know any relationship friends or family were the couple are genuinely kind and loving there is always some form of abuse and often cheating. Sometimes I feel bad for bringing my children into the world and inflicting this cycle onto them.
I'm now just focusing on having savings and enough money to look after myself and children, I don't care if mine cheats or if I separate and stay celibate forever. I just think of money because it's the only tangible security and then trying to stay physically healthy so that I can be there for my children. That's just literally what keeps me going.