Weddings - what if you don't really want a particular relative there?

[myermay]

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I think that if things are just a bit weird between you two and there's no major or overt issues, I would just grit my teeth and have her there. It'll be worth it to have the lovely BIL and the adored children there, and to generally have peace and harmony IMO. Besides, you'll probably be so busy and in a spin on the day that you'll barely even have time to speak to her.

You can't invite your brother and kids and not his girlfriend! She doesn;t sound like she's done anything wrong, just that you aren't as close as you were. Either elope and invite no-one or include her with close family. What could she do to ruin your wedding? Sulk? Some of our guests did (we had to invite them, close family) and we just ignored them

The only person we definitely excluded (on the grounds that no-one liked her and she was likely to cause a massive scene) was a friend of the family, which I think was justified. Oh, and all the extended family (cousins etc.) and quite a few aunts and uncles as we were having a small wedding.

If she has ignored you and nothing worse I would be inclined to invite her so that you can have BIL and lo's there. You should be too happy to care anyway

are you brave enough to ask her outright if there is something you have done to upset her so much?

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We had at least three people at our (very small) wedding that we'd rather not have invited. Actually, now I come to think of it, I can think of two more! Maybe I'm particularly grumpy. Actually, I think that I have a particularly weird family.
We invited them anyway, as there is no way to take back the hurt caused by a close family member not being invited to a wedding, when everybody else is invited. We did have "minders" designated for the more volatile relatives though.

Depends. If she'd done something terrible to you, or was a truly awful person, then it would be worth the hassle of not inviting her. If you have just become distant but there's no hostility, then I'd say just invite her.

It's your day, so you should do what makes you and your soon to be dh happy -- But remember that it is only one day and you have to deal with any problems arising from it for a lot longer than that!

I'd have it out with her. Just be straight and honest...tell her you feel awkward about the invite because she appears to have changed toward you.

She'll either tell you what her problem is (in which case perfect time to sort it out and see if you can get back to how it was), tell you you're imagining it(tell her about the ignored texts etc cos you are obv not imagining it) or she will carry on her strop and tell you she doesn't want to go to your wedding anyway.

Either way, its gotta be better than worrying about it!

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invite her, don't think anymore about it, just think about what a fab time you'll be having, you won't even notice she's there, and whats the point in causing a difficult atmosphere at your own wedding.

I think if you invite BIL and the children and not her, they won't come either so it is all or nothing.