Divorce, CMS, mortgage and selling the family home.

[DottyWilson]

I'm not sure I can keep this very short but I'll try.

Basically my husband and I split up in January 2021. He moved into a flat and had the children (we have 4) over every other weekend. Up until June this year he was paying me:

Half the mortgage £1300
Child maintenance £1300
Mine and the children's mobile phones £100
Vet bills £40
Kids pocket money £125
Half private school fees for the youngest (varies each term)
Plus a few other bits and pieces.

We started going to mediation in September 2023 because I told him I couldn't afford my half of the mortgage anymore so we decided to put the house on the market. Other than that nothing else in mediation was decided and we've not been back since January 2024. In mediation my ex husband told me he also couldn't afford to keep paying the mortgage and CMS for much longer.

The house has been on the market for a little over 6 months now and there's been very little interest. We have lowered the price on the house by £70,000.

The past 2 months he hasn't paid me the CMS but has continued to pay half the mortgage. Which I guess if he paid me the CMS I would just use it as the mortgage payment so it doesn't make much difference really.

In the mix I also have my mums house (she passed away in November 2022) I was originally going to move into there and use the equity from the family home to buy out my 2 siblings. My brother is now getting tetchy and wants his share of mums house so it looks as though we're going to have to sell her house too.

Also to add he agreed in mediation not touch any of my inheritance (house or money)

My ex did email me and gave me some options but I didn't reply to him. He suggested moving back into the family home and paying all the mortgage for me to move into my mums and pay my brother a 'nominal' rent to keep him quiet until the family home is sold.

I don't want him moving into the family home as he is with someone else now and I don't want the children going to stay with them in 'our' family home.

I know I've been lucky that he's paid the amount he has for such a long period (he has been paying out more than half his wages). I appreciate he has to pay his own bills now (I know his rent alone is £1400) and he has a new partner to support.

Not sure about the point of this post. I guess I'm venting. I just don't know where to go from here and what the next steps are. If he can't afford it, he can't afford it. We've lowered the house price, it's just not shifting!!

Could you put the house up with a different agent? Have you called your current agent and explained if they don't put in the work to sell the home, you're going with a different agent? Is there anything in your home you could do to help it sell?

He also still needs to pay half until it is sold if he wants half right up until it's sold, and still pay CM. But whatever works for you/what you want.

Thank you. We have thought about putting it on with someone else but not done anything about it yet. It's on rightmove so anyone looking on there will see it whatever agent it's on with. I guess putiing it on with someone else they may try and advertise it better.

He genuinely can't afford to keep paying half the mortgage and CMS which isn't his fault. I just don't know what else we/he/I can do.

Could you move your child to a state school?

He's suggested a logical option of you moving back to your mums. But you don't want that. In reality if it doesn't shift then would he have to reconsider the private school fees?

It seems you don't want to let go of anything. I don't blame you for that. But you must be realistic. You've been really lucky so far. Living in the family home whe. Your husband remts. He is still paying half the mortgage. I don't think it's just the sale of the house thats the problem. Quite simply he can't afford this amount of support indefinitely. I dont blame you for not wanting him to move into your family home.

He could move into your Mum's home and pay nominal rent there?

Or you just get over him being in the marital home. At least the DC will benefit from getting to stay in their rooms still and slowly transition to it being sold and not their main "home" anymore.

Try and think long term not on short term emotion.

Why is he paying your mobile phone bill? He seems very generous and more than decent considering so many men just pay the bare minimum child maintenance amount.

Is he entitled to claim your inheritance seeing as you are still married?

It sounds tough but something's got to give.

But it’s no longer ‘our’ family home. And will be someone else’s soon. Maybe you need to address this issue. Sounds like a good idea. Short term.

Yes he is entitled to a percentage of my inheritance but he has said he won't touch it. He has always paid my mobile phone bill and this continued after he left.

What sounds like a good idea?