Do dysfunctional families implode/explode at some point?

[lolaflores]

Basic outline is I am one of 4 siblings. 1 DB 2 Ds. Out DF died aged 35. We were all under 10. I am 56 now and 2nd eldest.

I have 2 kids and eldest has a LO.
My mother even at 81 is very active.
2 sisters live close enough. DB not.

Since about Xmas, everyone is having rows/Fallings out/bust ups with one another and then fighting is reaching the point where I don't know if we could all be in the same room together. Funnily enough we all have backgrounds in social care

So do we just all go about our lives and say "that's that I guess" as no one seems willing to listen to one another. DM has been a difficult person down the years and as she ages she is unpredictable and often very offensive and isn't a calming influence and can't be reasoned with. I can't find the emotional or mental energy to find a way forward or get people to talk. There are all the birthdays and Xmases to come and I dread it.

DM family are like total strangers to one another. She rarely speaks of them and if she does, she imbues them with horrible traits and only worthy of contempt. I have .ade a big effort to stay in contact with a couple of cousins and I've never told her as she'd do her best to disrupt.

DFs family are total saints (in her view) made of spun gold despite all their own barely concealed faction fighting.

My DB was physically and mentally abusive with no-one intervening. When I've brought this up, she has laughed at me, said she'd check with my sisters for clarity and breezed past it.

I just don't want to donit anymore. If it was a marriage, everyone would say leave. Just don't know where to send the paperwork back to.

In my experience yes it does come to a head eventually. DM has a history of manipulating, woe is me public face, promiscuous, neglectful parenting behind closed doors. Enabling dysfunctional family in her side. Three husbands later due to my her persistent adulteries, youngest child adopted by DF's second wife, family ripped apart, constant upheaval. I was her scapegoat. I got out. Twenty years later she's a widow, none of her children in contact with her or each other, playing us off against each other her speciality.

Things are exactly how they should be. Any other outcome would be a miracle. I'm happiest I have ever been, away from the chaos. I feel quite sorry for her, completely alone, she's finally lost control because we've all realized what she is.

@lolaflores , my DMs family play a constant game of brief reconciliation and then blow up, flounce and cut off for years. Communication is absolutely terrible. I can't be doing with it anymore. There's no compassion. I think everyone hates each other deep down!

God Almighty!
That's some scorecard.
And yes. As individuals we don't really talk to each other much. No "just a call to see how u r"
It's usually the start of a bust up or crisis.
I dread hearing from them. It's never really good news.

My family is currently imploding. I'm the oldest. Went NC with abusive stepfather 30 years ago, when I was 17 and he and dm separated.

Am oldest of 6 siblings. 1 sister is like me and distances herself but is also the one most likely to care and get dragged into stuff so not as distant as she would like.

Another sister is currently a raging drug addict. Horrendously bad. Youngest sis has completely disowned her, but also keeps trying to mange drug addicts sister and her impact on other family members like dm and addicts dcs (young adults).

Final sister has serious mental health issues atm, no doubt made worse by the drug addict sister being a drug addict and also the abusive father being ill and even more demanding on them than usual.

My brother and his wife keep a distance as well. I don't blame them.

Dm is frantic, but also ineffective and gets upset, then everyone rants about drug addict sister again.

The drug abuse stems from abusive (step to me) father and the shitshow that was our childhood. Seriously disturbing stuff. After dm left him, his bio children continued a relationship with him. Dm allowed it, encouraged it even. When there were serious red flags and plenty of reasons she could have stopped it.

Non of them take any responsibility for the various dramas that go on. In a few months it will all have died down. Everyone will be friends again, tho I suspect drug addict sister will end up in prison or worse.

I am as LC as I can be with them. Not my circus, not my monkeys. My kids are normal and well adjusted. Their kids are all heading the same way as the adults. Either victim or abuser. Toxic dependent relationships. Addiction is rife, domestic abuse, SENs and MH issues.

I'm glad I made a decision to not be involved in it.

@SisterAgatha both sets of my parents went NC with siblings and one parent went NC with the entire family (encouraged by other parent).