Feeling overwhelmed and trapped

[Itsamumslife2024]

Anyone else in a loveless and at times abusive marriage due to DC’s complex needs and finances? Feeling really overwhelmed and trapped.

Anyone?

Sorry to hear this op. I am in a relationship that really should end and I have dc but your situation sounds more complex than that and with abuse thrown in. It is a horrible feeling, feeling trapped. I believe there are organisations that can help, given the abuse. Can anyone help op with this as I can't recall the name of it. Women's Aid, something like that? Bumping the thread op.

@wholetthatsheepin thanks for responding I was starting to feel even more alone than I already do since nobody had replied.
I had made steps to leave last year and then the shit hit the fan. One of my dc’s health deteriorated significantly which meant my life has been taken over with constant medical appts and caring duties(it’s all consuming) . Financially, there is no way I could make separation work without full time employment. It’s an impossibility to manage DC’s complex needs with appts and full time work(even part time work as times and days for appts change constantly). Due to medical needs dc is only at school part time.

I had to wrap up a work contract early and am now no longer employed. I am safe at the moment but I’d be lying if I said suicide didn’t regularly cross my mind. I feel utterly broken, even the prospect of a part time job overwhelms me. My own health isn’t great(I’ve completely neglected myself if I’m being honest)

Please go to your local Citizens Advice centre and ask for help regarding any benefits you might be entitled to, and how to get/pay for a rental property. Some councils will guarantee (?) a deposit in some circumstances. You might be eligible for carers allowance for your child etc. They will know.

You are not trapped, you just haven't found the exit yet

I don't really have much in the way of helpful advice OP but didn't want you to feel your post was going unread.
Have you talked to your GP about how low you are feeling? They might be able to point you in the way of getting some support for you regarding your dc.

The gp is not aware of how I’m feeling. I’m scared to speak up in case H uses it as ammo during the separation. He will portray things as me being mentally unstable and not fit to look after the dc.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected].

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

Wishing you the very best 💐
MNHQ

Surely if you speak to your GP it would be in confidence. You don't need to tell your H why you are going to the doctor. If your doctor could help with your low mental health it would help you to cope with what is going on.
As pp said have you tried phoning Women's Aid for advice?

He won't know why you are seeing your GP though. If he's that controlling just say it's about your periods/women stuff. That usually shuts them up.

You might benefit from some anti anxiety meds to get you through this tough time, they can also signpost you to some counselling which can help put your thoughts in order, they might be able to help more with signposting you for dc help. You won't know until you go. And be honest with them, say you are struggling

Unfortunately medical records can be requested by court order for child custody cases. I’ll try contacting women’s aid tomorrow but as H is playing ball at the moment and I’m not in any immediate danger I doubt they will do much.

Even if you are not in immediate danger they will take seriously what has happened during the course of your relationship. I am sure they will be able to offer you helpful advice and support OP.

I'm sorry things feel so hard. You don't need to be in immediate physical danger to contact Womens' Aid and get some professional advice about the abusive relationship you're in. Ask for help, and take it when it's offered. Things can improve.

They have heard it all before, they are there to support you, if you don't feel like calling you can do an online chat

I didn't want to read and run, OP, though I haven't anything helpful to add to what others have said. One of my kids has profound complex needs and the strain that this (and the lack of support available) puts on even great relationships is intense. I'm lucky that my husband is very lovely but I often think how hard it would be without him, or if he weren't supportive(even harder than it is now!). Have you got friends with kids with similar health issues? I was just thinking that feeling less isolated on that front might help a bit with mental health and give you a bit more impetus to drive forward a separation. Wishing you all the very best 💐

I did have someone who I’ve known since the dc were at nursery but sadly the support ended as their dc spread rumours and divulged personal medical info amongst the year group about my dc. It has made what was a difficult situation even more distressing.

@Mumofmarauders sorry you also navigating parenting a child with complex needs. Glad you have the support in place so each day is that little bit easier 💐

How are you today itsamumslife?

I can understand suicide being a consideration but you have so much life to live, you really have x As another poster said, there is a way, you just haven't found it yet. You are doing a tremendous thing caring for your dc. Don't worry about approaching your GP. There is evidence there that you have managed to care for your dc. I doubt very much your partner would want to take on the care load in any case. My husband tried to threaten me with the same thing regarding dc as I have some mental health issues that are relatively minor. Social services would actually laugh at it as I've proven the care of my dc (including two with SEN). Keep talking op, there will be a way. It might not be particularly comfortable but there will be a way. And, life is really precious. Your life is precious x

@wholetthatsheepin thanks so much for checking in. More appts today and tomorrow for dc so didn’t have any child free time during office hours to contact women’s aid. Dc’s health is incredibly uncertain so I struggle to manage being in this constant limbo land. I suppose I’ll just need to keep taking one day at a time.

You can email them @Itsamumslife2024 , I did as I had no privacy and couldn't call even if they'd been open 24/7. Obviously it's a slower form of contact but it's a start.

Keep holding on