Living together - 50/50?

[TheLever]

Planning to buy a house with my DP. We each have 2 DC’s and been together 5 years.

He has a deposit and property to sell. I have a small saving pot which can pay the legal fees and I am in a housing association house. My children are older than his so my property will be too big for me in a few years time when the DC move out. I considered doing a swap to a smaller place before I met him or a shared ownership flat if I was on my own.

We both earn well and I would like to be on the property ladder but people I talk to think I am mad giving up a housing association property to buy. We are getting a large house for all the children to live in and be able to stay as long as they need or come back home they will always have a room. He knows this is important to me and it’s important to him too.

I have asked him to protect his deposit as it belongs to him and his children not me, but he wants to get married and share everything 50/50.

He earns slightly more than me, so in terms of finances he would have more disposable income per month. We would pay 50/50 for all the bills, mortgage, food and a sinking/holiday fund then keep what’s left of our earnings for ourselves. He feels bad he will have more than me per month but he has younger children to pay for and this will mean I am not paying for you know, their clothes and shoes (not that I mind doing this) so I think this will work out fine and I’ve told him to use some it to pay into savings for his DC for the future.

The DC are all fine with moving, my DC will be getting larger bedrooms than what they have now and they see my DP as a very helpful stepdad. They like his cooking more than mine. He is also good around the house at chores and Isn’t expecting me to be mum to his DC or a housewife he believes in equality and equal partnership.

I hope that we are doing the right thing in the right way. Is there anything I am missing here?

That sounds a really healthy relationship and good that everything has been discussed properly . Maybe making a will would be a good idea with there being kids involved ?

I think you would be mad to leave a housing association place to rent elsewhere with him, or move into a property in his name only. I presume you were a lower earner when you first got in a HA place, but you still have to pay rent and don't build up any assets. Buying now you have a higher salary seems a no brainer.

Agree with pp that you need an agreement on what happens if one of you die, or become seriously ill. Things like life inside amd income protection are also advisable. Never assume that the other person will do right by your children if you die first.

We would be 50/50 on the mortgage. Not in his name only and no renting. I agree those would be bad ideas and leave me too vulnerable.

The housing association house is not cheap, it’s a 3 bed so I can’t save up much on my own income alone anyway. Added to this it’s not in the best shape after the previous occupiers were evicted after treating it badly, because I don’t own it, I don’t want to spend thousands putting in new kitchen and bathroom to never own it. I have made it nice enough but it doesn’t feel like it’s my ideal home. In fact it’s a bit depressing It’s dark and cold too with cheap flooring. I am also travelling back and forth from my partners home and ultimately I need one place to call home.

I am grateful I had the housing association house when I needed it being a single mother on a low income but if I have the opportunity to buy jointly should I take it? Someone else could then take my house who needs it. I looked into doing an exchange to a larger house but options are limited. I can’t buy my house and I don’t want to either. One my DC is in a box room and we have seen houses with no box rooms so it’s appealing.

I have a good pension but no other assets so at least a mortgage would be an investment?

Yes we would discuss wills. I know there are various options. I don’t want to deprive his children or mine of anything but he wouldn’t want me to have to leave the house if something happened to him and vice versa. It’s correct you never know so a will is important.

Do you want to get married?

I'm not sure I would use your small amount of savings to cover legal costs if you do agree to ring fence his deposit. It means that the little you do have will not be considered should you need to split assets in the future.

I think over all things seem fair but you do need to consider how to protect who gets what of you decide to buy together without being married.

Something else to consider:

Things are quite hard for young adults at the moment and they might have to stay longer than you originally expect.

I'm not quite sure a bedroom in a house with young kids will be ideal for that life stage.

Something to think about.

All sounds good. I would set out what is being paid in initially and in the event of a split, what happens - i.e. all costs are split 50/50 and Person A gets 60%, person B 40% or Person A gets 50k and the rest is 50/50 (for deposits etc).

Also do the same for any major items bought by both.

You also need to have good wills, spelling out what its to happen if one dies - much the same as above, it it was me I wouldn't want my kids to lose out.