I'm going to try my hardest to make this as short as possible but it's going to be difficult (sorry)
I'm female and was brought up in a loving family oriented household with my two older brothers.
I was very close to my brothers until my mid 20's, but I suppose like most families the dynamics change when partners come on the scene. When my brothers had children, I stepped up as an Auntie. Although persuing my own career I wanted to be part of their lives babysitting, sleepovers etc..(100% my choice and 100% appreciated by my brothers & wives)
Things started to change when I settled down and started my own family. My brothers were nowhere to be seen. They stated the age gap between the kids made it difficult (9 -6 years older than my kids) and I somewhat agreed that we were on different paths. I backed off and focused on my little unit, but felt so disappointed that my children didn't have the kind of relationship with their uncles, as I did with my nieces and nephews. In fact they don't have a relationship at all.
Fast forward, unfortunately my son aged 7 was diagnosed with cancer during Covid. It was the most horrific time as you can imagine, and it was made even worse due to Covid, and my parents were unable to support us due to lockdown and us shielding. My son needed a bone marrow transplant to survive but there were no suitable matches on the worldwide register. I promised my son I would find someone. We started campaigning to raise awareness and sign people up to the stem cell register. My son was the face of all promotion work etc.. and tbh, it was a welcomed focus for us all. My son loved it!.
I was struggling at the time but what made the whole situation worse was that one of my brothers (who is very controlled by his wife) was not supportive AT ALL. He didn't bother checking in with us, to see how my son was, he was obviously updated regularly by my parents. There were no calls, video calls when we spent weeks on a cancer ward while my son was going through gruelling treatment. I felt so let down at the time, but literally focused all my energy in supporting my son.
We did find a bone marrow match for my son, and he had a successful transplant and I'm pleased to say he is now in remission.
For me, it was aftermath which is when the ordeal hit me. I was diagnosed with PTSD and went through lots of therapy to process what my family had been through. It was around this time I needed to have a discussion with my brother to put to bed my feelings of hurt. My brother wasn't surprised when I explained my feelings, but was somewhat defensive (his wife had to be present during our meeting) When i asked him why he wasn't there for us , he stated 'I needed to protect myself' I asked him to elaborate, which he couldn't. In my opinion, unless he was on deaths door, or dealing with some other major issue in his life (which I understand there wasn't) there is no good enough reason to not support your nephew, and sister.
I was told that they didn't approve of me exploiting my sick child on social media to get awareness of the stem cell register. In reality, we are a very private family and initially I found it difficult opening up on social media however, THIS WAS TO SAVE MY SONS LIFE! Tell me a mother who wouldn't to everything within their power to save their child.
The meeting was left with lots of unanswered questions, but at least I had the opportunity to say my piece and get some sort of closure.
Fast forward a few more months and I'm starting to hear comments such as 'When my son enters the room we command the attention) This simply isn't true and is hurtful. Yes, when my bald, cancer recovering son entered a room she may of naturally commanded the room, but only because he was evidently different. Believe me, when you have a sick child all you want is for them to be like all the other kids. I didn't want my son to be different. Are they crazy!
In a bizarre, weird way, I am starting to think that they are jealous of the attention my son received. (my sister-in-law is someone who is always 'ill' if she isn't ill, her kids are ill.
There has definitely been some envy (especially with my sister-in-law) with how our lives have turned out. Although my brother on paper is more academic, I've bern more successful. I have got the bigger house, nicer car, nice holidays (silly material stuff) and run my own business. Due to his life choices, married young, had children young he hasn't really achieved his full potential. They would never admit any of that though.
I just don't know where to go from here? The comments/lies I cannot let go. It amazes me that they can even comment on my son given they weren't around? They have absolutely no idea!
Should I break contact? it wouldn't be any loss for me and my unit tbh, but would deeply upset my parents.
Thank-you for letting me ramble, it's much needed.