Like DH has been to me? DH has been EA/VA for the whole of our marriage but looking back I worry that I have been abusive too.
- When he calls me a name (retard or C£&!) - I react with extreme anger and swear/shout etc. I might say @£c! you etc
- He’s told me I am indifferent to my children-again I tell him to ?£&! off etc.
- I suffer from PMDD which can make me extremely moody, snappy and angry. I am ratty and irritable but I never call him names, threaten him etc.
- I have noise sensitivity and DH is an extremely loud eater, he chomps food with his mouth open and others have commented on it. I have to sit with my fingers in my ears but is this controlling and abusive?
- After many years of name calling and threats from DH I cannot stand him touching me and flinch at his touch. I certainly do not want sex. Could this be seen as withholding affection? Withholding affection is a sign of abuse?
- DH plays loud YouTube videos constantly on his phone when he’s home. If I ask him to wear headphones he accuses me of being controlling.
In short - I am not squeaky clean and I am trying to see the bigger picture. He’s said such awful things to me that result in me shouting/swearing and losing control. Then I am labelled the abusive one. Sometimes he can be so nice and I am the snappy/angry one. I’m so confused.
Please help.