Hurt by my parents but always feel guilty anyone experienced this

Bedandtoast · 2024-09-08T19:04:52+00:00

Hey I’m a single mum (I’m 27) . On a Sunday I go to my parents house for a roast they will pick up some nappies and they pick me up and drop me off so I can relax at there’s. now here’s my issue I have just got out of the court case against my ex who is now In prison serving a large sentance for what he did I didn’t get a phone call once I would have to ring up to tell my parents (which I would do as I wanted support) my mum made me feel like I have caused her so much stress and has never hugged me. They do lots for my children but they never ask about me.I just feel like I want to start my new life surrounded by people that have really supported me. I go to my parents like today and no one is in a good mood so I’m walking on egg shells telling my 5 and 4 year olds to be quiet and calm down constantly if I take a break go and get a drink I get your children are playing you should play with them and stuff it’s so j enjoyable today my son even asked to go home which he has never done before. would I be unfair to see them less as they do buy my nappies and they do love my children lots but I just feel so sad when I leave as they are so negative and it’s just so depressing. I’m not saying I want to go NC as that would break my mum just actually start living my own life

justconcerned · 08/09/2024 20:17

Your parents love you but don't like your relationship with this person in prison. They want better out of life for you.

gotmychristmasmiracle · 08/09/2024 20:32

To be fair these don't sound like parents who haven't supported you. Maybe they don't really know what/ how to ask, maybe they are fed up of hearing about it if it's gone on a long time. They wouldn't come and pick you and kids up and feed you, if they didn't support you. Hopefully now he is in prison everyone can draw a line under what's gone on and move forward positively, now they see you more cheery it might cheer them up also. 🤞

CornishMaid2024 · 08/09/2024 21:26

I’m 35 and have 2 children.
I think it’s common behaviour for parents of that generation.
My parents love my children and play with them/do things for them. However, when it comes to my emotional needs they don’t know how to support me.
My Dad has never hugged me or told me he loves me but if I broke down in my car or something broke in my house he would 100% be there for me.
I have spent some time discussing this with my parents and over time they have got better, but it involves a lot of communication and consistency. They have been that way for a long time - it’s not easy to change.
If you need a hug to you ask?
It took me 34 years to hug my Dad and now I do it every time I see him! He doesn’t initiate a hug because he wasn’t shown love as a child 🤷🏼‍♀️
It does sound like they are supporting you in a way, if you feel like you need more then ask.

Original poster

Bedandtoast · 09/09/2024 13:54

CornishMaid2024 · 08/09/2024 21:26

I’m 35 and have 2 children.
I think it’s common behaviour for parents of that generation.
My parents love my children and play with them/do things for them. However, when it comes to my emotional needs they don’t know how to support me.
My Dad has never hugged me or told me he loves me but if I broke down in my car or something broke in my house he would 100% be there for me.
I have spent some time discussing this with my parents and over time they have got better, but it involves a lot of communication and consistency. They have been that way for a long time - it’s not easy to change.
If you need a hug to you ask?
It took me 34 years to hug my Dad and now I do it every time I see him! He doesn’t initiate a hug because he wasn’t shown love as a child 🤷🏼‍♀️
It does sound like they are supporting you in a way, if you feel like you need more then ask.

This is it I think it’s generational just hurts because everyone else I know can ring there mum and get advice and help my mum will ignore my calls but if I need my sink unblockef they’d be there it’s a tricky one I think I was just hurt yesterday

OP posts:

Original poster

Bedandtoast · 09/09/2024 13:56

justconcerned · 08/09/2024 20:17

Your parents love you but don't like your relationship with this person in prison. They want better out of life for you.

I left him two years ago just took that long for the court case I move away have a whole new life good relationship good job left all toxic friends and stuff just wish they were more approachable but I see the love and support

OP posts:

PrimalOwl10 · 09/09/2024 13:58

Maybe it's too much for them. You sound very much dependent on them in terms of them buying nappies, picking you up making you dinner. They don't sound uncaring parents. Do you work? Do you ever offer to cook them a meal it's a two way street.

Didshejustsaythatoutloud · 09/09/2024 14:00

CornishMaid2024 · 08/09/2024 21:26

I’m 35 and have 2 children.
I think it’s common behaviour for parents of that generation.
My parents love my children and play with them/do things for them. However, when it comes to my emotional needs they don’t know how to support me.
My Dad has never hugged me or told me he loves me but if I broke down in my car or something broke in my house he would 100% be there for me.
I have spent some time discussing this with my parents and over time they have got better, but it involves a lot of communication and consistency. They have been that way for a long time - it’s not easy to change.
If you need a hug to you ask?
It took me 34 years to hug my Dad and now I do it every time I see him! He doesn’t initiate a hug because he wasn’t shown love as a child 🤷🏼‍♀️
It does sound like they are supporting you in a way, if you feel like you need more then ask.

Lovely post 🫂 x

Pumpkinpie1 · 09/09/2024 14:09

Your parents support you OP to the best of their ability. Nappies aren’t cheap, food isn’t cheap especially on a pension but they are trying to help you in the most practical way they know.
Parents aren’t perfect and don’t have all the answers . Don’t mistake silence for not loving you and their grandchildren.
Would it really help your children to hear their grandparents discussing their dad , even if he is a ….!
So often we hear on mumsnet of Grandparents interfering, when the opposite happens like this they are again criticised.
Damed if you do damned if you don’t springs to mind.