Just a bit of support

[MyMauveBeaker]

Donf know where to start really, I literally have nobody to turn to 😔.
Iv been with my youngest child's father for 10 miserable years. He is a terrible father and a nasty, controlling, abusive human being.
I bare the brunt of all his anger, iv been battered and bruised physically a number of times but it's more the emotional abuse, I'm an empty broken shell of who I once was. He tells me lm worthless, fat, ugly, he spits in my face, grabs at my breasts, slaps my bottom and tells me il do as I'm told. The more I cry the worse it gets so I try so desperately to hold it in.
He's outwardly charming publicly, nobody believes me, he makes me out to be the crazy one etc and I'm trapped 😔

I've been in an abusive relationship myself, so I know how hard it is, but please go to the police. Forget everyone else.

Freedom is available to you if you make this first unbearably difficult step. Life is short and precious. Don't waste another day on this disgusting excuse for a human being.

I also felt the same, that the emotional abuse was more damaging. Ultimately it was the hardest bit to heal from. But you can heal x

Absolutely horrible for you OP.
Try and get in touch with Women's Aid.
They will believe you. They will give you advice and help.

Don't waste anymore years with this evil man! You deserve to be happy and safe, and that won't happen while you're still with him. I know it will be incredibly hard to make the moves you need to leave him, he's destroyed all self confidence but you must face this head on now... Your life literally depends on getting away from this man! Report him to the police, speak to womens aid, and open up to family/friends that can support you. It may get harder before it gets easier, but you can and will get through this. Don't wait, get help today...x

Thank you all so much for the replies, I'm honestly so broken it's going to be incredibly hard to pick up any pieces, I look in the mirror and scream internally at my own reflection to get some fight. I know it's time as I don't want to end up another statistic for losing my life in his hands, it's just making that step. Iv covered up for him and stood there with a smile painted on while he stands there chatting to people and laughing, this charming, calm wonderful person that could never possibly beat his partner and use their body as he pleases. 😔

Have you tried calling women's aid to see if they can guide you on a roadmap out of the relationship?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. He's abusing you in all ways possible, it's horrendous.. Speak to womens aid to get some support and advice today if it's safe to do so. It's time to reclaim your safety and your life. Your body is yours, he can't get away with this any further. Don't protect him anymore, it's time to protect yourself. Your kids need their mum, let them be what gives you strength to do this xx

I’m really sorry you are going through this. I can believe your husband is charming as my mentally abusive ExH was exactly this - the life and the soul, the joker, the charming one showing off his obedient family.

The physical abuse puts you at greater risk. Please try talk to women’s aid, I think you need to leave before his violence gets out of hand. When I was leaving my husband my solicitor advised that I could go to a women’s refuge with my dc. I don’t think there are many about anymore but I would be happy to help you if you want to pm me, Refuge is another charity that supports victims of domestic violence.

How old are your children @MyMauveBeaker ?

Sending you a virtual hand hold x

You deserve to be free x

You're not broken. You are being abused. Tomorrow when he goes to work go to the police. It is the only way. You are to take that first step. Contact women's aid. Do not tell yourself you can't stop this. You can. You must. You will.

He is a pathetic weak embarrassment and as soon as he has a big burly copper on his case you'll see how inadequate he is.

Thank you so much all of you, knowing there are people out there who escaped all this gives me tremendous courage. Iv been talking to women's aid on line via their chat and I'm starting to put a plan together to get away. He lives in my home but it's just that, my home so at the least it will remain my children's home after all this even if we need to leave for a short while first.
I need to believe I'm worthy of more than this and I'm determined not to remain a verbal and physical punchbag. His abuse is near enough as dangerous as it can be so no more. Thank you all again so very much. X

Good luck OP

Please make sure you get him away from you. I believe leaving an abusive partner can be dangerous (initially) BUT staying with him is far more dangerous (and damaging) long term.
I left an abuser after 8 years. It felt like the hardest thing to do but you will manage it and look back on it as the day you ended the suffering.
Get the police involved. Get women's aid involved and get everyone else involved if necessary. I found that starting to tell people the truth about my abusive exP was a huge relief, I was no longer covering for him and it also gave me the motivation to leave for good.
I hope you find the strength. If you can't do it for you, do it for your DC and the other people you love. They want you alive and happy and free.
Best of luck. Also here if you need to DM me

Well done for taking the first steps.

You will be surprised as how much clarity you get when you are finally not around your husband.

You will start to hear your own voice again and the peace you will get from no longer feeling under attack mentally and physically. The “You” you know will come back, give it time.

For now the priority is safelty. I called 111 once to report an incident after it happened. please rest assure they take DV very seriously and although my abuse was mental, they still came round and arrested my ExH. His embarrassment at sitting in a police car outside our house shattered that image he wanted to maintain. So basically what I am saying is that you don’t have to go to the police station if it isn’t convenient but you can still call them. by doing this, if you ever have to call 999 they have a record of you and will respond very quickly due to the likelihood of you being in grave danger being high. I hope it doesn’t get to this. keep reaching out and getting support.

How are you OP? Xx

@MyMauveBeaker are you ok?