We have been together over 20 years, married for over 10 and have small children. Things have been strained on and off over the last few years as they often are with the pressures of small children. I do love him. He makes big gestures but isn't great on the day to day stuff.
I don't feel he does enough. I get cross sometimes and snap at him or shout, usually when I'm getting stressed about the conflicting pressures. I know shouting isn't acceptable.
I work. Not quite full time but significant enough that it is almost full time. He also works but full time. He also travels a fair amount for work to places with signicant time difference meaning I am responsible for the children fully when he is away and again when he gets back as he recovers from the time difference.
My job has stresses and so does his. His is his own business. He says he can't do more than he does at home, which isn't a lot. I say that I can't cope with doing everything I'm doing currently and it's making me ill so if he wants to work as much as he can he really needs to bring in more money so I can work less.
He's just shouted at me that I have ruined his life. I supported him for years while he built up his business. I became a SAHM for a while which enabled him to focus on the business.
I am heartbroken. I don't know if we just need to put an end to this. I don't want to but it sounds like he does. But I can't even work out what to do if it is the end. I can't afford the mortgage here on my own. I certainly can't afford rent in this area. I can't even continue to work like I do now if we split up as what will happen to the children? Maybe he would do 50-50 which could probably just about make it work but then I still won't be able to pay the mortgage anyway. He also says it's his home so he's not going anywhere (when I said 'if you feel like that don't come back tonight').
I feel so lost and confused.