Guideance

[Uwam]

I need help please.
I'm in my late thirties, have a wife who is emotionally disconnect with me, have kids and I'm currently going through an emotional pain.
I'm at this point needing another relationship to keep my sanity.
Any advise would be appreciated.

You need to look very closely at why your wife has emotionally disconnected from you. What is the work situation with you both? How old are your children? Who does what around the house and with the children? What is your financial situation? What are the main areas of discontent that she voices to you, ie helping with housework, money matters, childcare etc?

Do you mean behind your wife's back?
How could you possibly need a second relationship when this one is failing ...

Here we go again.

Buckle down mate and talk to your wife about your perception of her dis-connect. Could it be that all the household grunt work, the family administration and childcare is falling to her. She’s probably exhausted with no mental or physical capacity left to prop you up so she’s cut loose. Your “sanity?” What about hers?

If so, do you think an affair with a 3rd party is going to fix things?

You presumably made a vow to her when you married. I suggest you revisit your vows and focus first on what you can do to invigorate your marriage and help her to reconnect with you.

How can you even think about walking away from your family and taking up with someone else? I expect there are times when she’d like that luxury too. Knuckle down and work on your relationship, be a proper partner and parent. Start today.

Why don't you focus on your own relationship before trying to start another one?? Sit down and talk to your wife and sort things out.

Yeah because an affair would solve all your problems right? 🙄

You have children so maybe think about them instead of just yourself and try talking to your wife or perhaps asking her to accompany you to relationship counselling.

If she won't communicate and won't try to work with you on the relationship then you will need to tell her that it's over & will need to end the marriage in a civilised way.
Affairs are never the answer.

I have tried talking with her but no good news as she still won't open up to say why she is bittered or disconnecting.
Someone had recommended a relationship therapist but she declined it and still not saying anything to make a point where I need to develop.
I am a hardworking family centered man, I give time to my family and bears my financial responsibilities 100%

Why are you here asking us about it? If you cheat on your wife, you're a cheat and that's all there is to it. You are betraying her, and you're betraying your kids. If that's what you want to do, crack on and do it, no-one here can stop you.

Then you need to take steps to end the relationship in a civilised way.

Once that is done and your kids are settled, then you can embark on a new relationship.

The hard part of parenting and being an adult is having to endure some hardships to maintain your children's stability, security and happiness.

I'm finding it very hard to understand how you have nothing to say about your wife, other than how she relates to you as a wife. All we know from what you've said is that she refuses to talk to you or a relationship counsellor about the problem that exists in your marriage. You haven't said anything else about her, why not?

Has she given up a burgeoning career to have children, has she had to move away from her home country, family and friends to be with you, does she have friends and a social life away from you and the kids, does she have hobbies and outside interests that she enjoys and is able to pursue? Has she had to readjust her expectations of the relationship? Was she ever communicative and forthcoming with you when you discussed things together (if you ever did). You may be taking your financial responsibilities seriously which is commendable but it doesn't mean that something, for her, isn't missing which would make the relationship fulfilling. It could be that she is just not interested in you anymore but cannot bring herself to tell you as much because it would mean breaking up the family but we cannot signpost what might be going on if all we have to go on is your opinion of yourself.