My boss and my friend are one and the same…. So when I mess up how do I fix it?

[Ally190]

Hi all. My best friend is also my boss, we were colleagues first and then she opened her own business and I now work for her. Long story short she’s been really let down in the early stages of her business by managers she thought she could trust who then betrayed that trust. I am now in a manager position and we recently had a falling out. I told her I didn’t want to explain why I was angry with her because i still wanted to work in the company and needed the job. I was trying to say I didn’t want things to be awkward but I said it all wrong and didnt give her the credit or respect she was due by communicating openly with her. We’ve cleared the air as such and she said it’s ok but she is distant and clearly hurt. She does take a while to think things through and move on so I’m trying to give her that space and I can only imagine it was a kick in the teeth to think the bad experiences were behind her only to hear her manager and best friend say the same thing the previous managers who betrayed her did. I know she needs time and that’s ok but I also want to offer the olive branch and show I know I did wrong for so many reasons. I don’t know how to do this without it coming across like I expect her to forgive and forget right now because I don’t. All advice welcome! Thanks if you read this far xx

It's hard to give advice without knowing what happened/ what was said.

True. She was acting in a way which made me feel she wasn’t valuing my position as manager, I felt she wasn’t showing the appropriate amount of loyalty to me that I show to her. I then told her I didn’t want to explain why I was mad because I still wanted to work with her. She was angry that I was assuming she wouldn’t understand instead of talking to her and explaining why I was upset. Telling her that I couldn’t explain my feelings because then we might not be able to work together is something she heard from the previous managers who then let her down in some of the worst ways. She said it was like history repeating itself and she didn’t expect to ever have to worry about me leaving or walking away but now she does. Does that make sense?

I think that you need to choose her as either your friend or your boss, Op. It's pretty obvious that you can't be both.

It’s really strange to use words like betrayal and loyalty in a workplace? It all sounds very dramatic

As I said though we’ve been best friends for a long time and she then became my boss. The line between the workplace and the friendship is incredibly blurred and there isn’t a clear boundary like there would be if we were just colleagues I guess?