Best advice for the scapegoat child please?

[Happyfarm]

What’s your best advice for me going forward? Can’t go NC completely but don’t want to be dragged into any of the games. Don’t care they don’t like me, have no I interest in playing the game. How do I deal with family occasions and how do I deal with the golden ones?

Things I do:
Take my partner with me when I can, helps me feel less lonely, gives me a cheerleader
Limit my time - have a reason to arrive a little later/leave a little earlier, for family stays keep it to a day visit or lunch
Plan something with friends to cheer me up afterwards
Endeavour to remain detached from the stings while there

But it's tough, solidarity op.

Why can't you go no contact?. What is preventing you from doing this?. Perhaps a fleeting hope even now in you that they will change and become better people?.

You must drop the rope they hold out to you; if you do not at all engage they will go onto find someone else. If they are too toxic/difficult whatever for YOU to deal with, its the SAME deal for your children as well.

I do feel for you.
I would suggest you say very little, shit yourself off so that they can do /say very little that is unkind to you.

No no hope at all. It is my partners mum so I am ok to go along with him for him only.

I have told them way too much in the beginning before I knew but I don’t anymore. They will have already worked me out though unfortunately but I am learning to detach.

Wouldn’t your DP prefer you not to have to sit through that? What’s he doing to help?

Sorry what? Your DP is the scapegoat? Or you are after telling his family too much? I don't follow.

It’s such a long story. I’m just ready looking for advice from people who experience on how to deal with this situation. For example we are excluded from family events and holidays. She can barely look at me when we are in the same room.

Grey rock is useful. Don't show any interest or distress in being excluded. Make your own plans, be busy, make a good life.

Always be civil when you do meet up. If meet-ups are encouraged by them do things like going to a show or concert or film together. That way they keep up appearances at getting on with all their adult children and you don't have to say a word to them. Just a quick hello at the start and a bye-got-to-run-for-the-train at the end.

Thanks. It’s so difficult knowing you know their game and they probably know I know. It’s ridiculous.

Seeing his mother for his sake neither helps you or he for that matter. Would he go on his own?.

Yeah he would but I don’t want to give them the power over me to stop me from seeing family members that are decent. I don’t care if the mum doesn’t speak to me when I’m there because I’m confident enough to sit and chat away with other family members.

I don’t want my kids alone with them either.