Feeling trapped

[Libby65]

I don't know that anyone can help me but I just need to get it out. I don't love my husband anymore. Problem is, I have a child with him whom I adore, and I love that child more than anything else in the world.

DH travels quite regularly, and I am finding that I look forward to when he goes away - I don't even miss him when he's gone and to be quite honest, I feel a bit disappointed when it's time for him to come home. I don't feel any sexual attraction anymore, it's like I just see him as a friend and that's it. All I can put this down to is that over the long course of our relationship, I've had many ups and downs with him, and the downs have been so severe for me that I think I have slowly lost my feelings for him. Strangely enough, he seems to think everything is ok and still has feelings for me. I think another problem is that whenever I've told him that I'm unhappy about something, and would like things to change, I see an improvement for a little while but then he just goes back to the way he was. He also has quite a bit of baggage from his first marriage which has caused a lot of problems too. I just know I would probably be happier living on my own right now.

If I consider my religious beliefs in this situation, I feel that I am bound to him by marriage and that I have an obligation be with him because he is my husband and the father of my child. In other words, make the best of the situation. But I feel like I have nothing left to give and I just wonder how long it can go on like this. I truly don't want my child to go through a marriage break-up and I don't know if my feelings in this matter can be salvaged. I sometimes wish I didn't have my child because he is just the innocent third party who didn't ask for any of these problems.

Thank you for listening.

caroline, it might be 10% of the time but 90% of the relationship... he will hurt you again, the only question is when. i think aloha has offered some excellent points, so i won't go on any more - don't want to force feed ideas you are resistant to at the moment.

i expect this sounds harsh - not intended to be and i respect your decision not to justify yourself any further on this thread if you don't want to.

hope everything works out for you

Caroline, you don't have to apologise, I started the thread but it's there for everyone to contribute to as they feel they need to. It's good for you to be able to get out what you are feeling, especially in circumstances like these.

Will have to come back to this later as ds has just woken up, but I just wanted to respond to your post.

Caroline, I can appreciate the reasons you give for not leaving your husband at this point in time but could you consider trying to set-up some of your own savings so that if you ever do feel that you need to leave then you can afford to do so and the savings with provide a safety net until you get a job, sort out accommodation etc..

Thanks for your wise thoughts - sis, yes, I do have a little bit of a safety net at the moment, although it's gradually being whittled (sp?) away. Will try to hang on to it

Aloha, yes, I should get an idea of my rights. Wouldn't really want to take too confrontational an approach overall, but of course it would be far easier for him to leave and find accommodation than all of us. Counselling and Al Anon would be great if dh would agree to go, me alone would be good therapy perhaps, but not very useful in the long run. Have suggested it, but he just refuses (he believes Relate counsellors aim to just break up marriages!)

Believe it or not, most of the time I am fairly content. It's just I'm a victim of dh's moods and alcohol intake.

hello caroline, you don't need him to agree to al-anon, it's for families etc of alcoholics (as opposed to aa which is for the individuals themselves), you could just go on your own. i have a friend who does this. she would subscribe to the last sentence of your post.

good luck