Friend never reads messages / replies

[Sunseasand1]

I have a friend from school, who is more of a friend who we’ll meet up with a couple of times a year for dinner or drinks than one who knows what’s going on day to day.
But I find her so rude in that she leaves my messages unread for days, even though I can see she’s online during this time.
i sent her a message yesterday with her birthday in the next few days asking how she is, if she has any nice plans and if I can take her out.
Shes left me unread as usual.
I just feel I do all the chasing, all the time. I know it’s not just me, she’s just not a very “friendly” person.
I do feel like deleting this though and saying I just find it so humiliating that I keep getting ignored.

You can’t change her behaviour. You can only change your own and/or your response to her behaviour.

I do this when I'm anxious, and wait until I have enough time and energy to read, process and reply. I'm autistic but don't know if that's relevant.

I reply when I want to, not on demand.

Thanks so reply. I’d never considered it like that.
i just would never personally leave a message unread or unanswered.

Agree with this. Replying to someone's message isn't a higher priority than what I am doing at the time, they can wait. If they aren't happy with that, don't message me.

I always see phone calls as immediate responses but texts are to be replied to at your convenience. When I’m really stressed/anxious I stop messaging people. Nothing personal, I just don’t have the headspace and it’s another thing on the “to-do” list.

Also autistic, and I’m the same. I also have ADHD, and if I read a message I know I have to respond immediately or I’ll forget about it, so I wait until I have time and headspace to pay the message the attention it deserves.

I do this a lot. It's never about the person or how much I value them. It's normally the opposite- I want to give them a good response and if I don't have the head space or haven't nailed down plans yet or really busy then I leave it until I have the capacity. I might be online responding to others in a more day to day conversation or discussing imminent plans etc. I promise this isn't worth losing a friendship over and is really unlikely to be about you.

My brother is like this, he ignores the messages for days or weeks even though he likes the person just gets overwhelmed by what to type or thinks he already replied. I suspect ADHD due to other things.
Point is, it might not be about you but it's understandable to not want to bother, you're allowed to set your own boundaries and conditions for your friendship.

Stop putting the responsibility and blame on her and decide for yourself if this friendship works for you. If you don't like the way she communicates, end the friendship and move on. People aren't on this earth to live according to your terms and conditions, so unless she's abusive or unpleasant, this is a you problem.

If it's you making all the effort, and she can't be arsed to reply to you she's not really a friend. I'd not bother with her and stop contacting her.