Need advice

[sm23698]

I am married around 30 years. All along a difficult relationship. Husband suffers from serious communication problem. Barely gives any attention or care to myself or to the kids. Comes late at least twice a week late at night , barely takes part in any household works. No sympathy or empathy in his character what so ever.

Does ridiculously bad behaviour towards me, my children and to my parents-relatives.

Also, we both earn well. I maintain all the house hold costs and he maintains the mortgage and the bills and twice a year holidays.

I have suffered for a long time and I am really tired, I dont think he is ever going to be correct.

Also I am not too sure if I am in a position to head for a separation or divorce or even if it would be an ideal thing to do.

I am a very dedicated mum and the last thing I want is any harm on my children what so ever.

Any bodys any thought on this would be helpful.

Hello 👋🏼
Sorry to hear about your troubles with your partner. Have you told him how you feel? What is the bad behaviour you mention?

I fail to see why you hesitate to leave him. He's horrible, abusive, useless, probably cheating, and you don't need him. At all. He offers no benefit to your life whatsoever.

Your children will be perfectly fine and I bet even happy for you to leave him.

Don't waste another day.

Hi Bad behaviour means - he is very abusive in words. He is very short tempered, My son is 20 years old and he barely talks with him. And I always panic to leave him alone with my husband since my husband gets into severe argument with my son and my son also retaliates. I got 2 other children - it is badly effecting all my children and their upbringing.

I am not too sure of any cheating since I have not yet found anything but all together things are unbearable.

I am a bit hesitant to take active action towards separation / divorce as well since I dont know how the single parent life is going to pan out.

Also about finance, I find it unfair to maintain all the household costs (food-children) by myself and only the mortgage and bills by him (half of his salary is just not used ) and mine fully exhausted, any light one that?

I got 2 other children - it is badly effecting all my children and their upbringing.

Your primary concern should be getting your children out of this abusive environment. Do you not agree? The "unfair" finances should be the least of your concerns. Your children are suffering and the example being set for them is going to impact the rest of their lives.

It sounds really hard, I’m sorry you are going through this. It must be hard to mediate between your partner and son.
It is also not fair that all your money goes to keeping the family and house but your partner has money left at the end of the month.
Have you talked about these things with your partner? Do you feel like you can bring them up with him?

You are right - I am not much bothered about finance myself but mostly concerned about myself and my children.

He is hugely abusive and short tempered but extremely manipulative. He loves attention and pampering but simply dont bother to notice our existence or other people's feeling.

I have started living in different bedrooms. Consoled myself to remain busy with my and my children live and being least possible concern about him.

Started talking with the solicitor who has very kindly sent him a warning notice as well - which made him a bit frustrated and concerned at the start but after a while its all the same.

But again, the thrush of divorce/separation and its impact on my children right before their GSE - all together it is being very difficult.