Affectionate by text not in person

[Beautifulbouquet]

I've been on a few dates with someone who responds enthusiastically and with warmth to all texts.

But is quite cold or distant in person.

We can literally be texting right up to meeting and he's using emojis and being really sweet...face to face he freezes.

I've never experienced this!

I guess nerves

Could be with the texts he can say what he feels, in real life gets overwhelmed??

Sounds like some sort of anxiety. Did you meet online? A lot of people are on dating apps because they are awkward socially and find it hard to approach or talk to someone they might be interested in in person, but text takes the pressure off. I wouldn’t take it personally. If you keep seeing each other he should become comfortable eventually. Maybe gently broach it over text and see if this is the case.

Thank you so much!

He doesn't seem nervous...he seems more bored / pissed off! But then after the date he texts affectionately again.

We met in person. He was a bit tipsy then.

It's only been three dates. He was better on the third and us definitely more relaxed after a drink.

On text he is so lovely...replies immediately, is supportive, shows appreciation for my jokes...

He is like this in person I guess but seems very serious.

On the third date I went to kiss him hello and he just stood there...

I have told him on text I sensed that he didn't find me attractive or good company and he just said "don't be silly"

I'm more used to guys who are charming f2f then can't be bothered to text

I'd say a friend was writing the texts for him but the replies are too quick....

And every meeting 8 have suggested not him (though he has immediately and enthusiastically said yes and then come up with a specific plan).

If he was bored I don’t think he would be agreeing so enthusiastically. Some people don’t show the typical signs associated with nerves, maybe he’s pissed off with himself not being able to be more chatty! The fact he relaxes after a drink would suggest it is anxiety, but you need to ask him. Does he seem bored of your conversation when you talk about you?

This situation has emotional unavailability and future communication problems written all over it 🚩🚩🚩

Anyone can say all the right things via text but face to face you’re met with more the true essence of a person, and how they feel about themselves and you shows more clearly.

And when you said it seemed he didn’t find you attractive, him replying “don’t be silly” isn’t very reassuring. Did he say anything else - like actually clearly express that he found you attractive?

If he seems bored maybe he is bored. Many men are happy to keep going with women they don’t particularly like for reasons only known to them. So him texting to set up more dates doesn’t tell you much.

Do you enjoy being in his presence? It doesn’t sound like it. I’d cut my losses at this point.

And every meeting 8 have suggested not him (though he has immediately and enthusiastically said yes and then come up with a specific plan

Just noticed this part - makes the whole thing even worse, I thought he was at least initiating the meet ups.

Leave him to suggest the next date or do you want to be doing all the running/pursuing in the relationship? You’re establishing a certain dynamic that is not favourable to you.

He probably enjoys the ego boost, so is going along with it until someone he really wants comes along - men go after what they want.

They also put their best foot forward at the start if they take a woman seriously, so it likely won’t get any better.

My ex was like this. I thought it was because he just found it easy to communicate via txt. He was always really good with words in messages and things. Really it’s just because it was easier to lie to me that way. I eventually came to realise that they were just words and never backed up by actions.

Thank you again everyone.

I won't suggest meeting again. To be fair he did suggest meeting once but it wasn't a good time.

Actually now I think about it he doesn't really sound that enthusiastic on text! He just sounds quite happy to chat and in no hurry but he sounds totally passive actually.

Actually I think we are only in this relationship (wrong word) because of my efforts and him going along with it.

This has been helpful!