My sister and I are barely speaking and I have only just realized the overall dynamic.
She has always believed I was our parents favourite. I believe now that one of our parents was a narc and I was the golden child, and that some of how they treated her was mentally abusive. She has terribly low self esteem and married a very dominating older man who is also abusive but she can't see it.
Since our other parent died she has been competing with me for the attention of the narc who has now flipped and my sister is now the golden one but she can't see this either. I am now feeling abused by the narc. Her abusive DH is encouraging this competition and backing her up in a way that seems intended to create conflict between my sister and me. I feel like I am losing both of them.