When one sister has DC and the other doesnt

[Sislo]

I have no DC of my own but very grateful to be auntie to my wonderful young adult DN. Sis and I are late 40s now.

When her DC were younger she planned all family events and meals with my DPs with the schedule and menu that worked for her family, probably the same as most families where one sib has a young family and the other doesn't. But now her dc has left home and my DM has passed away I am finding it very difficult how dsis has basically tried to move into DMs role, still tries to make all of the arrangements, always directs all the cooking, and treats me like a guest at my DFs house. Do I just need to accept that because she had DC and I didn't that this is the way it will always be?

She is just carrying on doing what she has always done. She may secretly be wishing you’d step up and do some of the event planning and work. Why not offer to do Christmas dinner?

It probably just becomes habitual, when you have kids you start organising things and you are often juggling competing needs or trying to make sure everyone is where they should be and doing what they should be. Agree with pp, she’s just doing what she’s always done. I doubt she’s doing it on purpose.

Offer to take over.

I don’t think it’s because she had a child. It’s because she’s taken on/fallen into the vacuum of the default caregiver/organiser role.

Dh and I both have children (the exact same ones!) and I am the scheduler of things, the sorter out of meals with the extended family, the keeper of the master schedule, the holiday planner. This includes with extended family. It’s because I’m the more organised one and the one who has always done it, so I know, for example, how much cheese and biscuits to buy for 8 people to come for 6 days at Christmas. I actually despise it, but I’m a bit stuck with it now.

Why don’t you take the initiative to organise things? Plan with your DF when you’ll have a meal, do the shopping and cook for him, you can invite your sister if you wish or it could be just the two of you.