My babys fathers family are too invovled

[Leighannexxx]

Me and babys father are both 30 so we are not kids, baby is 7 months and our first child

Me and babys father do not live together at the moment

Lately I've started feeling like his family are TOO invovled with my baby for instance his sister dropped my baby home to me the other day and as I went out to help her get the pram etc our the car she said to me "ooh we will have to have her for a sleep over next week"

I know it's just a comment but part of me thought "who are you to tell me when and where my baby is having sleepovers to

The sister also started feeding ny baby a yoghurt infront of me the one day, this was when she was about 5 months old and I hadn't even started my baby on foods myself yet. She was laughing saying oooh look she likes it.

Yes my baby did like it but again who are you to gice MY baby a yoghurt for the first time

His sister has also brought my baby back in an outfit that I never sent her over there in (or an outfit I'd even bought myself"

If I'm thinking of buying the baby somthing eg a new pram a new cot, she always got somthing tk say about my choice and how i should go for a different one instead

I could go on and on

The sister and mother are already on about Xmas day plans when I might have plans with MY baby with my own family

They are really irritating me and I feel like they are taking over and would be happy to take my baby off me full time.

I dont know whether I'm being touchy or they are pushing it. I could give so many more examples!

You need to stop answering the door to these people..

Sounds like your baby's father isn't doing anything and leaving it to them. Do you have to be around them?

Hi OP, some of these things are I think you being touchy, other’s aren’t.

The sleep over thing, if she genuinely was trying to force it and not just making a comment, I think is them overstepping. You & her dad decide when she sleeps out and where, together.

The giving your baby a yoghurt I would have gone mad at- especially at 5 months when I hadn’t even started weaning yet. That’s a decision for mum & dad to make, not an aunty!

But the Christmas day plans, it’s not just your baby or your family, you do share this child with your partner and his family, so you need to come to decisions together.

The outfit thing is a bit of a non issue though.

The only thing to consider though is that could your partner have ok-ed these things? Has he said baby can sleep there? Has he said it’s okay for baby to have a yoghurt? Because if that is the case then it’s him you need to take it up with, not them.

I feel like partner (who at the moment I'm going threw a very rocky time with) takes baby to his mums (where he lives) and dumps her on them. I mean he's there in the room aswell but I feel like sister and mother are doing most of the looking after the baby. And that's why the pair of them maybe feel so entitled to voice their opinions and tell me this and that

I mean some days I feel like I've had a baby with his sister and not him. And I've told quite a few people that comment before including him

I think that’s the problem really and so it’s not really her fault, he is allowing or even encouraging her looking after the baby and so if she is mentioning feeding, sleepovers, Christmas plans etc then he’s either agreeing or saying nothing- either way it doesn’t sound like he’s saying no. And why would he say no really, if they are happy to take care of his baby when he can’t be bothered to?

It’s a tough one OP, I think you need a proper chat with him, agree on boundaries and enforce them. He needs to be enforcing them with his family.

I just dont appreciate his sister telling me "oooh she can come for a sleepover next week" I wouldn't dream of telling someone that their child WILL be having a sleepover at my house.

I mean don't get me wrong it's just a comment and the "sleepover" never even happened. But it's comments like that which are annoying me. She likes to basically tell me what's happening with my baby even tho 9 times out of 10 it doesn't go threw.

I've even had this sister texting me when me and her precious brother has an argument. So he tells his sister all our business aswell. It's all to closey close for my liking, I find it strange

Imvho non-verbal children do not go
on sleepovers

Yes they are overstepping. You have a not-so-DP problem. Sounds like they are playing dolly with her! And if this is what they do in front of you (yoghurt etc) what goes on when you are not there.

I can see how irritating it is for you but also that they probably mean no harm. You will have to be comfortable saying your position firmly and pleasantly otherwise you'll just seethe and potentially there will be a feud. Ultimately the interest will probably wear off so this is not a forever problem. The only real danger is if your husband finds himself being made to listen to how hurt they are when you state reasonable boundaries and he takes their side. To avoid that I think it's better if you don't show that you're irritated, just wanting to do things your way and calmly child focused. It is a big plus in your child's life to have a loving wider family but only if it doesn't come at the cost of your marriage or your health. You have some control over that. Write down everything that is annoying you and burn it.

They feel invested in your child because they actually are, heavily invested. Your partner is leaving them to do his share of parenting so that's how they are going to see themselves - as the second parent. In which case they are going to feel a very close bond, duty of care and an element of entitlement towards your child. It doesn't sound as though they mean any harm and most of your examples are the classic things that close relatives/grandparents say.

If anyone needs a boot up the backside it's your partner.

You're being over dramatic.

"Oh we'll have to have her over for a sleepover" is not the same as "she's coming for a sleepover next week". It's just a suggestion that the baby sleeps over at their father's.

The yoghurt is out of order, but how little attention were you paying? How often is baby at Dads dumped on aunt and nan? Why do you keep sending her there if you know he's not looking after her?

They sound supportive and like they love your baby. Lots of people would be grateful to have this support and care. The yoghurt thing would be a bit upsetting if she’s never had solids, they should have asked you. The sleepover thing wasn’t a command, it was a suggestion, maybe they just like giving you a break, and enjoy looking after her. New outfits etc, sorry I don’t see the issue at all. They are taking an interest and surrounding you with support. If you don’t want it, or you think they are just doing rather than asking. have a gentle word, but I 100% can’t see any malice in their intentions at all. I wish my family had taken this interest. One of my clearest memories when I first had my baby as a single parent, was family coming over uninvited to my house when she was about 3 months old- they hadn’t seen her since i was in the hospital having her. I was asleep, they turned up with takeaway for themselves to eat at mine and bought me nothing. Woke us both up, said they had “just been passing” and then left after they’d eaten their take away. That made me feel uncared for and an afterthought. I was probably sensitive from the lack of sleep but things didn’t get much better. Your family sound doting, so don’t be unkind in how you address it.

But the thing is your baby’s dad may have said she can sleep there, or will sleep there.

You need to speak to him and agree on what your boundaries are. You are both parents of that child, you’re both responsible for that child, you need to be on the same page.

🙄

How much time does she spend with her father's family? If he has her overnights then obviously it's his decision not yours where she sleeps (as long as his decision isn't manifestly unreasonable).

I think you need to clear the air with his family, set some boundaries but simultaneously make it clear that you value their love and care for your DD. I'd bet that they'll be around for her, and for you, for longer than her father is.

You’re co-parenting with your SIL and MIL. It sounds as if DP’s outsourced parenting duties so you can’t really be annoyed with the in laws for taking care of your DC in the best way they know how.

Your DP was onvuously happy with all the decisions about weaning (and baby seems like she was ready for it) and clothes etc. As for the rest, it sounds like they’re just trying to make some plans.

I think you’re being too hard on the in laws and not giving enough credit to your DP in this situation.

It sounds like your babies aunt and grandma are preventing her from being neglected while in her fathers ‘care’.

My mum used to say stuff like that and I just told her sorry mum but she's not allowed sleep overs till she's older. In your situation though - he will eventually have the right to have her over night if you two don't start living together and at the moment it's his mum and his sister. You will feel far worse and more resentful if it's a new girlfriend taking your kid overnight. Try and be friendly with the family whilst maintaining boundaries and don't make a mountain out of a molehill. You may need them as allies if you end up splitting from him for good.