Mediation - child contact arrangements, calls and msgs

[LucyLeah]

I'm getting fed up with calls every evening, texts every day from my ex, our son's dad. We are going to mediation soon to discuss his contact. I'm the primary, resident parent. He texts every day if our son had poo, wee, food, calling every day after work. He was always very controlling, he tried to forced me to live with me when I bought a house but I refused. Our son is 4yo. I am awaiting mediation. My question is, can I agree on mediation that calls during week are ok, set days and time for calls, but weekends I don't want any calls, especially in the afternoons. I just want my life back, i could be having a meal with friend and kids, out somewhere with friends. I don't want this man calling me. When he will have our son over weekend I will never call him or text him. I never do! What can I do ?? I want to get this right at the mediation.

Yeah this. The mediator isn’t there to say “yes or no”, they are there to facilitate an agreement between you. It’s not the mediator you need to convince, it’s your ex.

If it gets to court then an agreement can be finalised there.

I thought mediatior is there to suggest solution as well. To give us alternatives. Help with arrangement because they have experience in child contact arrangement. Apparently I have to go to the mediation before we go to court though.

You are entitled to anjoyment of your dc in your time. Your dc needs you to have great mh. Do not agree to nightly calls. We shared 3 dc - youngest was 3 when l moved out. We never rang the dc when the other had them. Way too intrusive. Especially with face time and better mobile phones!

1. You don't have to go to mediation if he is abusive as mediation is never a good idea with your abuser - gives them ammunition. You need to get the mediator to give you an exemption form.

1. Have you thought about a parenting app? There are a few around that the courts will take into account. Tell him from now on all communication will go through this app and refuse to respond to anything else. Block him on email etc. You might need to keep him unblocked by phone when the child is with him - I'm not sure of the app does direct calls? But you can certainly note the calls in the app as a contact and why.

1. In terms of calls I would decide on 2/3 times in the week when the child can call / facetime, which you will set up but not be involved in. If you can use a video call set the child at a table with some colouring etc or in a highchair with some toys, prop the phone up and stay out of sight. Contact is between father and child, not father and mother! He will need to work to engage the child!

Eta- what I am trying to say is that you can make those decisions. You do not need him to 'agree' With your without a mediator. It is perfectly reasonable to say I will only answer calls between 6 and 630 on Tuesdays and Thursdays when DC will be set up to talk. And then not answer at any other point. This is your life... TAKE it back!

Yes , we will be discussing his contact with our son. Half school hols, alternate weekends , alternate Xmas and Easter. Then calls as well, how many a week. I want this mediatior to send the agreement to the court so sign it off so its legally binding.

You and him would have to come to an agreement first, between you, and it sounds like he will not agree to what you are asking so may need to go to court.

Yeah, im trying to avoid it. I just want agree with him and court to sign it off. He had a chat with his solicitor so hope they advised him what is possible in his situation. He started paying child maintanance as per gov calculatior. And seeing Dc once a week, his choice, during day only.

Get a cheap burner phone with a new number. Block him on your regular phone. Use the burner phone for contact so you can turn it off and only check it when you feel like it.

The constant barrage of calls and messages from your ex is a typical example of controlling behaviour.

You can take back control by having a device which you can switch off and control when you look at it.

I actually thought about it to be honest. So I just use it for contact with him.

Indirect contact isn’t encouraged by the family court. Your child has the right to enjoy time with each parent uninterrupted. You’re being nice by entertaining his constant calls and messages but you don’t have to. It’s up to you whether you want to offer any times for calls, but offer what is best for your child and what fits in with your life. As he’s not having the child 50/50 it would be a nice gesture to offer one or two video calls at set times, but nothing more.

as others have said try offering use of the Wizard app and blocking him on all other platforms.