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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Has anyone had a friendship like this?

8 replies

Loopylooo86 · 06/09/2024 14:11

I have a friendship from nursery school, my longest standing friend. For all intents and purposes we have always had the ‘best friend’ label.
She has always been quite a negative person, glass half empty, very hard done by.
there was a time around 10 years ago after a very traumatic time in my life I nearly cut the friendship off because she was very little support but still looking support from me on the most trivial of issues which was so insensitive.
i really considered ending the friendship but instead I decided to just accept her how she is.
She is the type of person that asks for your advice and when you think about it and give her it she doesn’t want to her it. But someone else could give her the exact same advice and she will think this person is amazing and do exactly as they said.
it’s got to the stage where I just now tel her what she wants to hear- probably not what she should actually do but she doesn’t want to hear anything else. However this doesn’t sit well with me as I don’t feel I’m acting with integrity but it feels like what I have to do to maintain this friendship.
she’s the type of person that makes silly decisions about money, men etc and asks you before she does it and then doesn’t listen and then uses me as her only emotional support to deal with the consequences of her actions.
has anything any experience of this type of friendship and could give me advice?

OP posts:
Loopylooo86 · 06/09/2024 22:06

Has anyone any advice?

OP posts:
gaininginsight · 06/09/2024 22:12

Do you live very close? Is there a way of distancing yourself slightly? I appreciate it could be a case of just telling her exactly how you feel and risk losing the friendship. If she values others advice and not yours, then she doesn't value you, and it seems this friendship for her is too just a habit because of childhood. She has got used to you just being there as a prop (sorry if that sounds harsh) but has no respect for your opinions. It sounds like you both need some space - you because she sounds very draining and for her, to actually start appreciating you.

Brightonsun · 06/09/2024 22:29

I’m in a similar situation, a friend who
always asks for advice then doesn’t like it if I don’t agree with her silly decisions about money and dating usually. I could give her the same advice as someone else and she wouldn’t listen because she only really listens to men for opinions. Is it
mens opinions your friend is listening to?
I distance myself now by limiting how long I spend with her, it’s more emotional distance than physical. Also working on not being a people pleaser myself, she’s responsible for her own emotions.

romdowa · 06/09/2024 22:37

Stop giving advice, when she asks just say oh that's a tough one , I haven't a clue what I'd do and then leave it at that. Once you stop feeding her drama she'll find another person who will

beanii · 11/09/2024 19:11

I'd just let it fizzle out to be honest - sounds like its run its course.

Noseybookworm · 11/09/2024 23:25

You don't sound like you like her very much. You don't have to be friends with her, you can just let the friendship drift.

Josette77 · 11/09/2024 23:27

If you don't like her why bother?

You haven't said anything positive about her.

Swiftie1878 · 12/09/2024 12:03

She’s not a friend, she’s a habit.
You clearly don’t like her, so just phase her out of your life. Sounds like she won’t miss you anyway.

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