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Original poster

Relationship started by cheating

17 replies

Dolphin78 · 06/09/2024 13:25

I recently discovered that my boyfriend of 18 months was still in a long term relationship when we got together. So there were months of overlap. I found out by accident and so now he has told me it finished in a terrible way and he was very cruel to his ex. He lied to me about being in a relationship and about when it ended. I feel I’ve been living a lie for all this time. I have ended it but feel unsure if I’ve done the right thing now

OP posts:
CowTown · 06/09/2024 13:32

You’ve done the right thing. He lied to you and wasn’t monogamous with you—regardless of whether it was last year or last week.

Benvolio · 06/09/2024 13:37

My boyfriend did this and I found out when we were engaged. I stupidly married him. I'm finally nearly divorced after xyz decades of his scorn and abuse, culminating in him sleeping with a different ex and lying about it.

Please please don't go back.

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/09/2024 13:39

He's a big fat liar. No regrets OP.

SpiderGwen · 06/09/2024 13:40

Anyone who was prepared to cheat on their previous partner is prepared to cheat on you.

You did the right thing.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/09/2024 13:41

He cheated effortlessly and remorselessly on his ex, he'll do the same to you. Of course you did the right thing by ending it.

Original poster
Dolphin78 · 06/09/2024 13:42

Thank you I was having a total wobble today about being single again..

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 06/09/2024 13:46

You're not single. You're unencumbered by a twat badger. Free to go about your business.

WeAreWhereWeAre · 06/09/2024 13:51

Definitely did the right thing! If he can do it to her, he can do it you.

rainbowbee · 06/09/2024 13:55

Better now and on your own terms than wasting another moment of your one precious life on someone who will cheat and be cruel again down the line. Get yourself some treats for the weekend and congratulations on being dickhead-free!

sheldonRockz · 06/09/2024 14:23

You definitely did the right thing. I was with ex “DP” for 5 years, bought a home together etc, when I discovered that he’d had a gf when we first became friends and then when we got together a year later there was a month or two overlap between us. At this point I thought I could move on from it, we’d committed to each other and as it had happened so long ago no point breaking up as we’d settled down. How stupid was I….

Five years after that I discovered he’d made a number of dating profiles and had already met a few women from them over the course of a couple of weeks. That’s when it dawned that this is his operating model - when he starts to have enough of a partner, he goes to see “what’s out there” then treats his partner like shit until they separate. Therefore he doesn’t seem like the bad guy ending the relationship and she’s none the wiser that he’s already lined up her replacement. He’d done it to a few previous partners (he’s a fair bit older than me).

OP, you’ve done the right thing, you don’t want to waste your life with someone and potentially give them your best years when they can’t be trusted. We tried to stumble along after, but I couldn’t get over the lies, cheating, deceit etc. it broke me and broke my trust in others. I regret staying for as long as I did.

Original poster
Dolphin78 · 06/09/2024 14:47

Gosh how awful. That’s how we got together. I met him online. I never suspected for a second. But now it all makes sense. Never met any old friends and think that this was definitely his MO given his rather erratic history.

OP posts:
Idontjetwashthefucker · 06/09/2024 14:58

I've just become single at 50 and am probably going to stay this way, you don't need a man to be happy

Kitjo · 07/09/2024 05:54

MrsTerryPratchett · 06/09/2024 13:46

You're not single. You're unencumbered by a twat badger. Free to go about your business.

"Twat badger" 🤣🤣🤣

Luio · 07/09/2024 06:24

As there was an overlap, he cheated on you as well as her for months. If he started your relationship like this then why wouldn’t he carry on like this. If you stayed with him, he would definitely cheat on you many times over, probably whenever he got the opportunity.

Campergirls1 · 07/09/2024 06:42

OP, he is scum and you fortunately found out in time.
Be thankful that you are so brave.
He will 100% do it to you.
Make sure you are clear to friends that you found out that he is a complete cheater.

How things started are how things will end.
Even if you weren't aware at the time.
Well done for protecting yourself.

Elasticatedtrousers · 07/09/2024 07:00

You absolutely did the right thing. Staying with this man would have meant you always looking over your shoulder. He is unsafe for you.

Being single is preferable to living with a man who could potentially destroy your mental health with lies and drip feeds.

You are well out if it.

Figuringitout24 · 07/09/2024 07:10

My ex did this, was seeing someone from work whilst still with me. I ran and never looked back. Everyone, myself included, now knows how many girls he’s sleeping with behind her back, actually feel a bit sorry for her. She’s acting like he’s some sort of king and he’s shagging numerous different people. I actually feel a little sorry for her, she’s just a laughing stock now.

they don’t change. You did the right thing getting rid!

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