Barely talking

[WhiskersHelp]

It's been a difficult past few months with health and work issues and I've felt tense and stressed for a long time. DH has too. We managed to have a lovely holiday anyway. Came home to an issue with one of his family members who had overstepped some boundaries. I got very upset. DH took their side. Now DH is barely talking to me. It's been over 2 weeks. I feel like I'm being blamed for everything that has been difficult over the past few months.

I know DH has been looking for work in his home country (in the EU). This will mean a separation. I don't want this but I can't talk to him without him getting angry.

Is this salvageable? Can it get better? Will it blow over? I've got knots in my stomach all day and can't sleep. We have DC. I just want things back to how they were.

I’m sorry OP this sounds tough. Only you and him know whether it’s salvageable or whether you both want to salvage it, same with it getting better, if you both want it to.. it sounds like there’s been a breakdown in communication and it will take effort and genuine want to fix things on both sides to fix that- you can’t do it on your own, and if he is looking to leave the country I’d assume he doesn’t want to.

It depends what the issue with a family member was and the background to it.

@HmAndAh it is quite outing for me to explain it further but it wasn't a major thing. I probably overreacted to something they'd done and they, being very self centred, blew it up to be this enormous insult. It wasn't.

Well your assessment whether it was not a major thing might be not correct. Was it his parents? Have you heard tense relations with them before?

Have you actually tried to apologise sincerely without blaming the other side? Something like "I was wrong with my behaviour, I think I overreacted. If I could go back, I would have done this and this. I am sorry about the situation". Don't mention what's wrong the other side did.

I understand where you're coming from and I've asked a couple of close friends if I was out of order. They said they too would have been upset. It isnt DH parents, who I get along fine with, but a sibling. It's along the lines of having a treasured record collection, inherited from your Grandad, that has been moved and messed around with. You come home and find some records were missing and were decorating the walls, some were found getting damp in the shed and some were in a pile to be listed on line. I was upset. I tried to apologise for my initial reaction the next day, but it wasn't accepted.

I think DH may have been angry for some time now and this was just a trigger?