I’m surrounded by people who just don’t or can’t care about my feelings, what is going on?

[Justeveryone]

I lay in bed last night next to my partner with a heavy heart due to some bad feelings over something that happened in the past. It’s nothing that I can’t process but it got me thinking. I don’t bother telling anyone. My partner is trying to instigate sex despite me telling him that something is making me sad. He said I thought you told me that yesterday so why is it still making you sad. He literally never understands any of the way I feel. He wont do or say anything comforting. He wont understand why I don’t want to have sex. What I was thinking about was a memory from my marriage to my abusive ex and an incident that happened. I wanted a hug but he isn’t really interested unless there is some sexual ending. He turns over and huffs.
I think he is ASD.

Then there is my mum, I won’t talk to her either because we don’t have that relationship, emotions weren’t important, or should I say mine. Then there’s his parents, they are also emotionally not available. I am surrounded by emotionally unavailable people. Even my ex husband used me for his own benefit and had no care about my feelings.

Why is this happening? I just want someone to see me and care.

Ok then, so not actually from the past. Current parental alienation from your ex as well as being emotionally abusive towards your child by dumping this vitriol onto her.

I'm very sorry, that is terrible, and in your shoes I would feel the same way :(

My ex used to coerce and force me, at times pin me down to have sex. For a long time I thought i deserved it somehow but I no longer have any thoughts like this. I am proud that I got out of the situation and I’m at peace that none of it was my fault. My still I have the memories and they aren’t nice. Then he says things like her the other day. Mummy never wanted you….I really had to work hard to persuade you. So she comes back telling me those stories.

Op, I have woken up to the fact that I am in a similar boat to you. I have signed up for some counselling and awaiting a start date.

I have met someone who finally gets me (most of the time). A best friend and it is a revelation. It blows all others out of the water by comparison. I'm struggling with the realisation that my other friends aren't enough due to the own issues. It's as if I've set a new bar and as a result have very few people left in my life who I actually want to be with. Sad but true.

It seems as though you have been conditioned all your life, by your parents and partners, to expect nothing from them in the way of love and affection, and that all they will do is use you one way or another for their own ends.

Lots of us, have issues with childhood, I was loved and cared, for, and missed my dad, as he was out a lot, doing city councillor stuff in the evenings.
Had a Asperger’s husband, unknown to me way back, and also a son.
Look at most others around, see how they engage? eye contact, warm words too, gestures of affection, subtle.
We are all worth it, I plant seeds of encouragement to others, my cat comforts me, in my progressive condition.
These men are too insular, good luck

Yes I do think this is probably what’s happening only I know that people don’t treat me in the way I want and get annoyed instead of just saying bye to them. Deep down I know that I expect love and affection and I can spot that it’s missing I just seem to allow it. When people are affectionate it does tend to scare me or have me wonder what’s going on.

@Justeveryone Perhaps you would benefit from some counselling then, because you are maybe unconsciously seeking out the sort of relationship you are familiar with, and which you have been conditioned to feel comfortable in.

You are so accustomed to people treating you badly that you find it difficult to cope when people are kind, affectionate and nice to you.