My brother is upset at me because I refuse to be alone with his wife at the hospital. How do I make him get over himself ?

[vito657]

For info, I am married myself. I've been married to my wife for 8 years.

My brother and his wife have been married for 4 years.

Me, my wife and most of my family get along just fine with my brother's wife but I am personally not close to her. I am not friends with her on Facebook, I never get in touch with her outside of seing her at family gatherings or outings. My wife is not friends with her ether as she has her own friends already so she doesn't feel the need to be friends with my brother's wife. Overall I don't really care about my brother's wife. I don't hate her but I don't love her either.

But recently, my brother's wife had a major surgery (not gonna say what surgery because it's personal) and she is been hospitalized since the end of last week.

Me and my wife along with my brother have been visiting her at the hospital to keep her company but just yesterday, this is where the petty conflict happened.

My brother was busy. He had a meeting that he couldn't miss and my wife was also working late so I got home and I was alone. I made some food and I was generally minding my own business but my brother called me to ask me if I was home. I told him yes I was in fact home and he asked me to be with his wife at the hospital but I told him my wife wasn't home and she won't be home until late at night but he gave me a snarky response saying "so what ? I have a meeting that I can't miss and I don't want my wife to be alone"

I argued with him but kept my tone as respectful as possible and I said that if my wife is not with me, I am not going and if I was him I would call his wife's family members or friends so they could be with her.

I guess he got mad at me because he unexpectedly hung up on me.

Later on my wife got home and I talked to her about this and she said that it was kinda of petty to refuse to be alone with my brother's wife for an hour I could've done it for my brother at least but I told her that I am not friends with his wife, we aren't that comfortable with each other so I don't feel comfortable with being alone with her.

But I talked to my other younger brother about this and he is on my side and my brother number one also asked my younger brother for this favour but he also said no.

How do I make my brother get over himself? It's up to him to take care of his wife at the end of the day. I got my wife and he got his.

I met I am not afraid that she will attack me.

But asked you.

Shit behaviour.

I see that you've clarified that you're NOT afraid.

I guess visiting to help your brother out, even though you and SIL aren't friends, isn't unreasonable

I’m confused too. Did your brothers wife even want you there? Was she asked? I’d be mortified if my DH brother came to sit with me in hospital. We get along fine but have zero in common. I’d rather read a book or watch TV than have someone sitting with me and us both being equally uncomfortable.

I would do nearly anything to help a sibling if asked, and without making it about 'me'.

I would have done exactly what you did OP, it would be different if you were close and friends but you're not. She might not have wanted you there anyway, and where were all her family and friends?

Why can't her family /friends go?

I'm inclined to agree with op, unless she needed something taking in urgently. Personally, I'd rather not sit making uncomfortable small talk with some one whilst feeling ill/in pain.

You’re an idiot.
Regardless of your relationship with your SIL, this is something you should have done, without hesitation, for your brother.

Get over YOURSELF!

From her point of view, I can't see why she would even want someone who she doesn't have a relationship with visiting her?! I'd only want family and close friends visiting - not someone I'm civil to, who neither likes or dislikes me. Where are HER family and friends? Bit weird if you ask me.

Your family sounds awful. Why has no one made an effort to befriend your sister inlaw and make her feel welcome in the family?

You all sound terrible on that point alone. She is part of your family now and you help family period. Even though none of you made an effort before, you could have tried to redeem that now by showing some support, but no. You all choose to be selfish.

So what's wrong with you and all your siblings? You're not capable of making conversation/making friends with new people? You all just stay in a little bubble?

It's fine if you're introverted but you should make an effort for family.

Why wouldn’t it be real? I wouldn’t have gone either.

I wouldn’t go either. I can’t understand why your brother would think his wife wants someone she’s not even close to her visiting her in hospital. I wouldn’t want someone who I barely know to visit me. I’d rather watch hospital TV and read a book than have to make polite conversation with someone I hardly know when I’m feeling ill.

Assuming I'm not replying to an AI bot here (because you write like one!), it sounds rather pathetic that brother is having a tantrum because he thinks his wife can't be alone in hospital without visitors for just 1 hour. Why is he arranging it anyway? Perhaps the poor woman just want some peace and quiet to recuperate? Most adults wouldn't want a visitor at their bedside constantly, never mind one who's just an acquaintance by in law.

What a strange post.

Tbh I reakon your brothers wife wouldn’t have wanted you to visit anyway, I’d rather be alone than have someone who doesn’t like me come and sit with me.

I was in hospital a lot over the last few years and during covid no one could have any visitors and you know what? I survived! Ha ha she couldn’t even last a night without someone there? I think you’re not being unreasonable. She is a big girl who can be by herself until her husband can make it. I wouldn’t have visited in laws on my own in hospital

No you are not. You are a child that hasn't developed the ability to feel empathy yet.