21 year relationship over

[Wombat8]

Things have been difficult for several years with the last 12 months spent dealing with his depression and his uncertainty about whether we had a future. Saturday things seemed OK. He finally opened up to me about his depression and his feelings. Yesterday he emailed me ending it. He's cut all contact with me and his friends, quit his job, and I have no way of contacting him. I lost my beloved Dad in June and the grief is too much to take. I'm 47 with no kids. I can't even fathom how to get through this grief and loneliness. Thanks for reading

I'm so sorry to read your post, lass. Did you live together? Try to eat or at least sip some water regularly x

I’m so sorry. Depression can take its toll on people and their relationships with those closest to them.

This could be a blessing in disguise if your relationship has been difficult for a few years. But these first few months will be tough. Do you have any close friends or family you can lean on?

I'm sorry you're going through this crap time.

Theres nothing really that helps with the pain, the loneliness the injustice. I think you have to accept the next 3-6 will be awful and slightly unreal and of course bloody Christmas.
Its about finding your sense of self in the world without those who lived and definite d you. It will happen but it's a process.

Do you have friends or family that can support you and know the people you've lost?

My mum is a few hundred miles away in Scotland and to be honest the relationship can be fraught. I considered moving in with her for a while but I think it would be a mistake. I've got friends to talk to, but no family near by. I'm financially independent. I just wonder what the point is now. I have given my child bearing years away to a man who never wanted kids, now I'm facing mid life alone with nothing to show for all these years except memories which hurt and hurt and hurt. I have literally nothing. I had cancer 5 years ago and being ill and alone frightens me. I just miss him. I feel so lonely but can't bear to be around people either. I'm an extreme introvert which doesn't help. God I feel lost

Yes we lived together. Now I'm here alone with alo his stuff around me

Please don't feel like everything is lost. When you're a good person with a good heart, you don't lose anything, they lose you. There is a big, wonderful world out there for you to discover. You will get to know and love yourself and build the life you want. There's more to life than child bearing. Once you feel better find your passions in life and pursue them. Believe me, if you invest in yourself, you'll be happier than you could have imagined in a years time.

Two quotes that helped me:

Your second life begins when you realise, you only get one.

Life begins on the other side of adversity.

Both true. You will be fine. X

Thank you. I'm not sleeping, barely eating. Trying to work but struggling during one of the busiest months of the year. I have an elderly large dog who is arthritic and I'm just struggling and racked with grief and worry for the future. Everything just seems so pointless and hopeless. He's been by my side for over 2 decades and I can't imagine or face my life without him. Thanks for all your support and for listening

Found out through his friend it was another woman. I can't believe how convincingly he lied. I never knew he was capable of that. My dog needs surgery which I found out yesterday. It's going to cost thousands. I don't think the insurance will be enough for what she needs. So I am utterly grief stricken and I can't even give my dog the life she deserves. I don't have words right now for how I feel

I'm so incredibly sorry to hear about what you're going through. Such a betrayal, I'm sure you feel so hurt, angry and confused. Do you know if he has moved for the OW? I suppose who cares now. I hope you find someone irl to confide in, even to vent or cry. You deserve to be treated with respect and loyalty, and I know its early days but you will get through this. I'm so sorry about your dog, sending you all my best wishes

My goodness, you’re going thru a tough time, OP. Loss upon loss, so very painful.

Glad you posted on MN - there are a lot of kindly and supportive people on here, with experience and useful suggestions.

You’ve not been accorded the honour of grieving your beloved dad, precious time taken up with what your partner disingenuously presented to you as ‘depression’. His betrayal must really have taken the wind out of your sails.

So sorry about your dog. They are the best, aren’t they.

As a cancer survivor you’ve got a lot more grit and resilience than you may realise. Standing now at the crossroads: take each day at a time, stay connected to your thread and keep posting. MN is a safe and helpful space to make sense of what’s going on and move forward.

All the best to you, OP.