Hey! I used to use this site many moons ago when my eldest (who is now 12) was a baby. I’ve come back for advise. As have no where to turn or go to and feeling more and more lost every day. Sorry this is a long read, I got carried away.
I have 3 children. 12 year old from previous relationship, and a 4&5 year old from current relationship. Have been altogether about 9 years now. But it’s hell. I wake up every day sad, I feel like I’m on edge, anxious and constantly snappy at my kids. Which I hate.
i am just so unhappy in life when I feel like I shouldn’t be. I have 3 amazing kids, got my career back. Life should be great.
My partner and my eldest don’t get on any more…it’s getting worse. He can’t see my son is pre teen hormones etc and expects him to be perfect. so anything he does wrong, attitude etc he basically gives him silent treatment which is awful. He calls him names as “banter” but can’t understand when to stop and it’s not till my son looses his shit and then we argue about it that he realises he’s pushed it too far. I live in a never ending circle of hell. I dread him coming in from work, treading on eggshells. Doing everything. He doesn’t cook, clean, help with kids. All he does is pay the bills (which now I’m working full time I’m capable of doing myself!)
I need to get out of this relationship and start fresh for myself and kids. My 2 youngest do love their dad of course, however I see a total change in their behaviour when he’s home. I love when he goes away, as home life is just so much nicer and easier. I just don’t know where to start. I have zero savings, so no idea how I’d get us a place. We live in his place as when he bought it a few years ago I wasn’t working so couldn’t be on the mortgage. I just feel so trapped. I have tried to leave him multiple times but he cries and makes me feel bad. I don’t even think I love him anymore. Sex is non existent and he’s got to a point of bribing me for sex with things like hair appointments or shopping trips. I rarely give in but sometimes he goes on at me so much I just give in and lay there wishing it was over. To add, I suffer with endo so sex is literally the bottom of my list as it’s so painful which he knows but still goes on.
i just need advise on how to leave? How to get a place and how to not get talked back into staying. My head is a mess. I think of the good times, the holidays with friends, or bbqs at his parents house. And it makes me sad I’m tearing that away from my kids (he also tells me how I’m breaking up the kids family!) but at the same time….i feel myself slipping into some kind of depression, I hardly recognise myself anymore. I used to be so outgoing and fun…now your lucky if I even say hi at the school gate 😫😫😫😫😫😫 I just wish it was all over and I could wake up feeling ok again. Xx