I love my DF (65) to pieces. We've had a very tough couple of years. My DM passed away 18 months ago after a short illness and it really shook us all up. They had a very traditional marriage set up so I've helped him get used to housework etc. I'm an only child (31F) so in touch with DF very frequently, usually on the phone most evenings and an inperson visit once a month (I live two hours away).
My DF is self employed as a handy man and loves to talk about money. How much money he made that day. How he managed to get a better price elsewhere for something. How much he spent in the shop. How he couldn't turn down a job on a Sunday afternoon because it was easy money. How much his bills were this month and what he's doing to save more money. The cost of fuel and how much each vehicle he has costs to fill up. How much money he's owed by others. How much change he has in his pocket and he will count it out. What is currently in his pension. Historic stories of when he got his mortgage for in the 80s, how much things used to cost, or how his brother was given more money for something than him when they were kids.
I sit and nod and smile and occasionally chirp in but it drives me bonkers. It's become a running joke with my DP and I how much he will bring it up. My DM would joke about it too 'your Dad is counting his change again...'
My DF grew up in a big family with very little and you were expected to earn your keep from 16. He was made redundant twice in the 80s when he was a young lad too. So I think this has led to him having a scarcity mindset and being scared to be in that position ever again and also needing to prove himself to others.
Now, I think it's great my DF is on top of his finances and switched on. Better than being in debt and no financial sense. He's instilled in me a sensible attitude to money, being wary of credit and debt etc. But I think it's important to have a balance in life too. He's worked 6/7 day weeks his whole life and keeps saying he wants to slow down but physically doesn't know how and can't turn down work. But he's very comfortable, mortgage paid off, successful business so I think he can afford to relax a bit. He will never through anything away in case they have any use or value, meaning his house and garage is a tip.
And basically it's harmless but it drives me bonkers when he offers to pay for a meal out but will proceed to talk about how expensive everything was all night, rather than enjoying himself. Recently he had a run in with HMRC over a VAT bill and that was the subject of every phone call with him for a year, it was very draining. He's also obsessed with how much others might have spent on their holiday/cars/meals etc and will make judgmental comments and I just think, well 'who cares?'. He also has a very loose tongue so despite all this, I've never actually told him what I earn or what is in my savings because it would be news across the village!
He sees absolutely everything through the lens of money and costs, it becomes a bit Scrooge like. We're in a cost of living crisis, so of course we are all more mindful of costs and our finances right now. But this just feels a bit ridiculous.
I should add his one vice is going to the pub a few times a week, and sees nothing wrong with dropping £50-£100 a week, but anything else is considered an extravagance.