Should I go?

[Bobo72]

My husband and I were due to go out to lunch but the weather was very hot. He suggested he came home for lunch and I prepare a salad or something instead. I agreed and the following day, I did a lovely dish with homemade potato salad, garden salad and chicken steaks. But he didn’t turn up. When he got home, I asked if he had forgotten about our lunch date but he said he hadn’t. He just decided not to come as he didn’t think I was enthusiastic enough when he suggested it and I wasn’t allowed to be angry, I should learn by my mistake…. The dinner ended up in the bin spoiled. Alarm bells are ringing..

Learn by your mistake? I think the mistake was marrying an arsehole

I can’t believe you are asking. I’d be gone!

Don’t tell him you’ve gone though. He can find out and learn from his mistake that way.

Well since you did agree to the lunch, then it was a plan, and he should have told you he'd decided not to come, not just absented himself. I suppose he could have misunderstood, but then he would have been apologetic for you wasting your time and effort, surely. No, there's no way it's not bad faith. It's like he sees you as a servant and you're being punished for bad attitude.

And the fact he said you weren't allowed to be angry??? Are you 'allowed' to be hurt, or upset? Telling you to 'learn from your mistake' sounds like something an abuser would say - he sounds controlling, it's chilling. Is this typical behaviour from him, or is he normally nice?

You asked if you should go, so I guess this isn't a one-off. Yes, you should go. But quietly. Meanwhile, start keeping a diary and document anything that happens. How long have you been married? Kids? How difficult would it be to leave?