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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Ex's presence

3 replies

Pristinepumpkin · 03/09/2024 12:36

Hi, I'm dating a guy, new OLD relationship, about 2 months in. All seems to be going swimmingly so far. We're both older, in our fifties and enjoying the company. Have been spending lots of time together.

He'd told me a little bit about his ex. Seems that she instigated the separation last year, and he came round to the idea, but she stayed around a bit whilst finding somewhere else to live. However he only recently disclosed that she moved out just before we met (he didn't say that, I just worked it out from the date he gave me), he couldn't quite remember when exactly..

They also had a dog together. Initially told me that she comes round when he's not there to see the dog and maybe take her for a walk.
Last weekend though he told me that he'd seen her and she'd asked him to go to the theatre with him? He told me he declined and said that he had a new relationship so didnt want to create any misunderstandings and described her as being 'innocent' i.e. innocently asking. Do you think this seems odd bearing in mind that the reasons she'd left apparently was that they didn't have anything in common any more and he said he got on her nerves? I'm separated from my partner and although we are amicable I would not wish to spend any time with him. Also I guess she still has a key to his place and, I think, visits more than I realised.

He's also talking about possibly moving closer to where I am but potentially taking the dog to see her sometimes. Do you think this is all reasonable?

On the whole though seems a straightforward, decent kind of guy, I think..and very keen!

OP posts:
Girlmom35 · 03/09/2024 12:47

If there are no children, joint custody or visitations over a dog just seems ridiculous. I have a dog and absolutely adore him. But no, I wouldn't be taking the dog to visit an ex.
Have you asked him where he's going with this ex situation? Are they planning to become friends somehow? If that's the plan, I'd be out.

Pristinepumpkin · 03/09/2024 13:20

Thanks, its been bugging me. I need to have a chat with him about it. I think they got the dog together as a puppy, so ex is quite attached to her. I don't want to be mean but I also don't want her (the lady, not the dog) included in any part of my life if possible.

OP posts:
Orchidacea · 03/09/2024 16:04

I would be very careful.

It could be ok, but from what you describe, there's a bit too much between them. And who knows, there may be more than what he's actually telling you.

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