He has lost both parents - how can I make his birthday special?

[cantthinkofausername26]

My husband has lost both parents within 18 months. It is his birthday in a few weeks. He has 3 siblings that won't bother. How can I make it really special for him? He isn't a 'stuff' person. Doesn't want me spending a fortune. He likes sport and books. We have two little girls (8 and 11)
Any ideas gratefully received

@cantthinkofausername26
My condolences to your family. Your husband has lost his parents, you have lost your parents-in-law, and your children have lost two of their grandparents.
It must be a difficult time for you all.

OP, you seem like a very considerate and kind spouse. I am sure that whichever acitivity you plan for your husband's birthday, he will appreciate it. You will spend the day together, and therefore it will be special.

Hey sorry for your loss. My DH's best friend lost both his parents within 3 months earlier this year and I know everyone's different but to him just being surrounded by his family was the best thing at that time. His DW obviously knew it was a no to music or parties or any kind of big gathering or full blown celebration as that would have been out of taste and not what he wanted. But a day out, 4 of you in the restaurant, a walk somewhere, calmness and quality time is I'm sure what he would want and need at the moment. Also if he's into sport maybe tickets for something he enjoys watching.

This is so lovely of you, and I love these ideas. Thank you so much

You're so welcome - hope you all have a lovely day!

Oh crikey, this made me teary. Thank you so much for your thoughtful response

With whatever he wants only, I am not saying you would do this but I don't think thetr is anything worse than someone planning something 'big' because they think they need to and making it about them and not actually what the birthday person wants

Then expecting the person to be grateful, so whatever they want only

When I lost my mum, my birthday took on a different significance.

Sometimes people can’t put their feelings into words and need thought from those closest to them to get through dark times.

Oh for heavens sake. The man has had a terrible time. Is it that hard to believe someone might want to bring a little bit of joy to him on his birthday?

OP, going against the grain here (and apologies for being a bit saucy), but what my DP would value, more than anything, is his favourite meal/drinks and a high quality hour in bed. That is, for him, the perfect birthday, and the best way to make him feel valued and loved.

When I do buy him ‘a thing’ it is usually something like a future weekend away (e.g. Rome, Berlin), and if he’s really lucky, I’ll include gig tickets to a band he’d like to see - e.g. A weekend in Rome with tickets to see The Killers.

You could do something active together like a climbing session, crazy golf, driving range or go ape? or if he’s cerebral then maybe an escape room? Things like that that your are concentrating on something else for a period of time can be good.

The ideas suggested all sound so lovely. My suggestions are:

• I'm sure you are, but be prepared for there to be some sad moments from you, DH and your girls, or a need to change plans if one of you isn't feeling it on the day. Being there together is more important than pulling off a 'perfect day' - maybe the experience could be on a different day to take pressure off?
• it's a significant thing to have lost that older generation, so could be a nice time to build a tradition of some kind with your DC. Work on a physical family photo album or something like that