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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Insecurity

3 replies

CleverSloth · 02/09/2024 21:13

When I started speaking to my boyfriend a little over a year ago it all seemed rosy (as it does). He got cold feet at the start due to past relationships, pulled away when feelings started to develop. But we decided to try again and again it was exciting and fun. He'd say nice things to butter me up etc.
At first we would talk for hours but gradually he's becoming distant. We don't see each other often due to childcare probably about twice a month with wanting to take things slowly for the children's sake after a messy divorce. And is understanding of my situation.
For months I'd tell him I love him and he'd hug me tighter or say "do you?". He's been hurt a few times and deep down I think it's his way of guarding himself. But I'm also unsure as to how he feels. He's recently said "I love you too" for the first time. But It seemed quick and mumbled. (I don't know if I'm just being picky)
He still texts everyday but once or twice rather than what it was like before and it seems pretty platonic now rather than anything else. I get no cute texts etc. Just get told when he's home from work and he's watching a film etc. And we hardly ever talk on the phone.
He talks about one ex with such hatred but still does everything to impress the other (mother of his child) actually sees her more than I do. I've never been a jealous person and I don't like feeling this way. Like tonight ... no response for hours then I get told he's been taking his child home (child lives 10 mins away) taken 3 hours to take her home. I don't like conflict so up till now I've not reacted kept it all bottled in and acted cool about it.
Majorly overthinking right now though something just doesn't feel quite right. I love him and don't want to lose him. But I also don't want to be stringing it along for nothing. Anyone felt like this before?

OP posts:
BustPipes · 02/09/2024 21:36

I have felt like that before. And I ended the relationship. I am nobody's afterthought, and nobody's comfort blanket.

You are feeling jealous because you're not getting what anyone should reasonably expect in a relationship. Not because you're nuts.

It is really difficult to make the change to put yourself first though - boiling frog and all that shit. Good luck in getting rid.

CleverSloth · 02/09/2024 22:03

@BustPipes It's just hard, I honestly thought this one was different. It's just all hot and cold and I need consistency. I think he might be stressed with changing jobs etc but in a relationship you sit and talk about it not pull away.
I get people need space and we don't like together but maybe I just want more than this. Want more for myself rather than just settling.

OP posts:
Bramblesandbracken · 02/09/2024 22:55

You deserve more!!

Honestly, when the right man comes along they make you feel cherished, beautiful and respected. And you realise how other relationships were just breadcrumbs, which isn’t right as life is so damn short.

I suggest some calm but serious talking, or just accepting this wasn’t the right one long term for you.

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