DH getting increasingly argumentative

[MinnieMountain]

I wish I knew what’s going on in DH’s head.

Over the last few months increasingly he’s turned me not agreeing with him or saying I view a situation differently into an argument. E.g we were discussing a day out. I didn’t think his lunch idea would work and he got cross, said I need to think more positively.

The one that really upset me was he talked about red flags and said I was gaslighting him because I remembered something a different way. Previously he would have asked if it wasn’t brain fog (I’m peri-menopausal). He barely gave me the chance to respond to his comments, interpreting my puzzled look as outright disagreement.

After the lunch thing yesterday I asked him if something is wrong because this keeps on happening and he said no.

I don’t know what the hell is going on.

His job stresses him a bit but he says the pay is worth it. He’s FT, I work 3 days a week. We reviewed this recently and he said he’s fine with it. He gets time to himself and time to exercise. We have one 10yo. Both 45, been together since university.

Sounds tough OP. How old is he? Any health concerns or other worries? When you say he turns things into an argument, what do you mean exactly? What does he say? Has he always been a bit like this or is it completely new behaviour?

He's trotting out the therapy speak there, where might he be getting that from?

Most men seem to get cantankerous as they age, and the partner and kids are first in line for it simply because they're there.

I thought the same as @Summerhillsquare about your DH's sudden change of vocabulary. If this was my DH I would ask him about this and truly get to the bottom of it. You two need to have some drank conversations anyway in order to be able to continue in your marriage.

So he is dismissing you, being annoyed by you and telling you you are gaslighting him.
Theres something going on for sure with him other than normal work stress.
If this is ramping up over the last couple of months, think back to anything else that has changed. Has he been later at work over that time, more meetings away, seemed pre-occupied with other things more than normal?
The fact you appear to be annoying him, i'm sorry suggests he may have had his head turned and he is thinking the grass is greener elsewhere. One of the first signs is he finds your mere existence 'in the way' and often comes across as annoyance at anything you do or say, simply for being there.
You are of course not being annoying, but thats how they interpret it, because their thoughts are elsewhere and you are just now in the way of that grass is greener potential life and they resent you for that.
Add in the gaslighting comment. I'd say that could be a bit of projection going on.

My advice is take a look back over the last few months and try and pinpoint when it started or started getting noticable at least.
If you talk to him, don't mention anything about another woman. Just ask him whats bothering him. If he says he doesn't know why he is being grouchy or outright denies it, then theres your answer pretty much.

Oh sorry OP you gave his age, ignore that question!

Children?

7 year itch, mid-life crisis, male menopause, OW ? could be any of these or simply he is having a dreadful time at work but is ashamed to tell you about it. If he wont talk to you about it then your only option is to turn tail and run whenever his tone turns aggressive. Afer that, just deênds whetherit gets worseandhow much you are preared to put up with. If this is happening in front of your child then you really have a weapon to wield.

Is he left-handed? Does he see things in a different way to you? I understand that problem. Perhaps he's bored, needs a hobby, suffers from depression? Just wants to pick a fight? Don't let it happen, walk away.

Eh? Is he left-handed?

Is he listening to YouTube misogynists? Health concern? New woman in the office?

You need to have a conversation and explain how his behaviour is making you feel. Tell him that he needs to stop accusing you of gaslighting and red flags.

Must not get distracted by the left-handed comment...

It’s the classic manopause. Their hormones fluctuate too aka less testosterone.