So, I posted before - husband moved out a year ago (got a flat, previous gambling addict, upset I wasn't sharing inheritance - never said this, but was obvious - apparently he had to move out because I was so unreasonable).
For the past year, he has been back and forward - until three months ago when he has been back (but he still has his flat). This means that he isn't really committed - I pay all the bills for the house now (mortgage, council tax etc - which is thousands and am using my inheritance to make up the shortfall). He is paying for his flat - which he hasn't stayed in for three months, but he clearly wants to have it there (for back up?).
Don't get me wrong, him being back has been great for the kids. And when things are good, they are good. But like any former addict, there is a LOT of moods, I never quite know where I stand. I'm not perfect, but I work hard, I do anything for our kids, I pay all the bills. Because of the addiction past, there is a lot of walls up with our extended family - he doesn't really like seeing them and vice versa.
I think something in me has changed over the past year. The curtain has been pulled back - I don't want things to end, but I feel that I'm just not 'seen'. I guess I am hurt that he is happy for me to pay all the bills for a year (if he is paying for his own place), but I just feel a bit used. He will buy things for the kids etc, but not pay any maintenance. It almost feels like the flat is the place that his fall back - like at the slightest hint of trouble, he could be off. But if I question this, I feel that I am the one that would be unreasonable. Today, my youngest asked him 'Daddy, do you still have your flat?' - To which he replied, 'yes, do you want to visit it?'. I could have burst into tears, but didn't say anything.
Don't know why posting, just a hug!