Hi i realise this post is old and suspect i may have missed he opportunity to engage in conversation but i am writing anyway as i am finding it very hard to speak to anyone in my friend/family circle for fear of 'lifting the lid' - although i know they are not stupid people and see with their own eyes too. My hubby and I have been together 23 years and have two kids, life has been challenging throughout with his propensity to always prioritise 'the pub' to get a drink over his family. Don't get me wrong, everyone says he is a really nice guy, he is fun, intelligent, and holds down a good well paid job (we run a company and work together) but things are not so good in the relationship. For years i have felt put on, i work long hours (albiet my position within the company is not as senior as his), whilst he knocks off at 4.30/5pm and heads straight for the pub (every day). At weekends the routine is exactly the same. Pub on Saturday from 2-6.30/7pm, pub on Sunday from 2ish until 4.30ish. I'd say he's probably drinking at least 2 bottles of wine a day, washed down with a large brandy which he takes to bed. I hate the smell of it on him and the waft it makes in the bedroom. I used to like the smell of branding, now i hate it. He usually heads off to bed early and i tend to spend longer up a night for some space. There is absolutely no intimacy between us, we are friends/business colleagues at best.There hasn't been for years, mainly me because i no longer feel connected to him, just 'used' to work for him, run the house, look after all the kid stuff and support his needs. When 'it' has happened it feels robotic. He has given up trying, and so have i. He would 100% blame me i know that, but i find it really hard to be attracted to someone who doesn't seem to be interested in me. Financially we are in a good place. We're not well off by any stretch, but we've managed to pay off our mortgage at we have a business which does have a value albeit unknown in value to me. Over the years the drinking and subsequent isolation i have feel as increased and decreased. When the kids were small i felt like a single parent. Now that they are bigger (one no longer lives at home) the other is 14 so getting much more independent, we have been able to take a couple of holidays together and do things without them but you've guessed it. Those things always involve drink. Or even if we go off and do something like go to the garden centre, he will see this as a chore. Get back, pat himself on the back. Leave me to get everything planted up and done whilst he rewards himself with a trip to the pub, returning usually when it is all done to enjoy the garden with a drink. I know in my heart of hearts he doesn't treat me very well - he isn't cruel, doesn't beat me, doesn't curtail my spending (he did but i pushed back - he would think nothing of booking himself a golf trip with the lads but would object if i wanted a weekend away with the girls - usually saying i could only go if i could sort out childcare, for my mum to come up and look after them whilst i was away as he 'had to work' and of course, did not want an interruption in going to the pub) He would basically put as many obstacles in the way as he could. Yet when he wanted to go away, he would just do it, not even asking me if i had any plans. The resentment has built and built and yet i do love him very much and that is what makes it so hard. I am mid 50's now, i don't want to be starting again on my own, splitting the family and causing upset and distress for my daughter. She would hate to move from our home and i know she would hate me for being responsible for what she would see as being my fault. I actually don't want to leave him, i love my home. I miss him, i miss the person i fell in love with, i miss his company. I wish more than anything he wanted to spend his time with me and we could regain our closeness but i know that will never ever happen when his number 1 priority in life is going to the pub to drink his wine. Meeting the same people, with the same daily routines as him to make it feel 'normal' and all the time he sits there laughing and joking and drinking. We are at home cooking tea, watching TV or in my case often working late. My daughter i know feels distant from him. He never shows an interest in what she likes. He says she is not interested in him, but fails to recognise that he has been so absent in her world. When he does come in full of beans (and wine) he wants to playfully interact with her and when she pretty much ignores him (teentime) he gets really arsey with her and by default will then take it out on me. Finding reason upon reason to moan about her, her room is messy, she dosn't get off the computer when he tells her to, she doesn't answer him or talk to him. God this is a 20 year outpouring of self pity isn't it. I suspect you've given up reading already...get to the point i expect you're thinking. Well the point is, I feel totally and utterly trapped in a place that is perfect, apart from my husbands issues with drink. What should i do. I can't fault him, he gets up every day, walks the dog, goes to work. He just fancies a drink every day after work and every weekend. Is that so bad? He doesn't beat us up. He comes home slurring sometimes but he's never fall over drunk (well sometimes but not v often) so as we know 'relationships are not perfect' should i just shut up an put up. Is this ok to settle for - should i just focus on the things that i enjoy, being with my daughter, encouraging her. Trying to support my son (although we have a very difficult relationship). But i know that i am going to be in for a very lonely life, unless i embrace his interests which will see me spending time (as his driver) sitting in the pub with him.